Hi All Eyes,

Thank you for another thoughtful post. Despite the repression, prohibition, and taboos, children do have sex. Often, it is either alone or with a trusted friend (age-mate), but they can and do find ways of manifesting their sexual desires. Sleepovers, spending the night out in the yard in a tent, and playrooms/treehouses/"forts" are the usual events and/or locations. Any place where they can be alone and unseen will do, for they know that they MUST be out of view of their parents or other caretaker, or all hell will break loose.

"I began thinking to myself that if i were to put myself into the shoes of a child who wanted to experience sex pleasure and was told that such pleasures were denied to me simply because of my young age or because my life experience hasn't been extensive enough, I am certain I would feel such prohibition to be terribly unjust."

I think we have to be careful not to put children of various ages all in the same catagory. A child of 5 is going to think differently about parental authority (and sexual activity) than is a child of 12. Additionally, the kinds of sexual activity and degree of desired participation will also vary, not only from age to age, but also from individual to individual. Some will think it unjust that they are not allowed to experiment, but many others will be relieved. It takes a lot of pressure off a child when s/he can say to someone who wants sex (especially when she doesn't), "I'm not suppose to do that". A loosening of the taboo will have to take these kids into consideration, insuring that those who are uncomfortable can opt our without pressure.

But what of the child who does want to experiment? How does she do that without going against the wishes of her parents? Ahh, there's the rub. At least in the U.S., Australia, Canada, and UK, (English speaking, white countries), children can't engage in sexual role rehearsal, regardless how minor the act, or age (developmental) appropriate it is, without going against their parents rules of conduct, either implicitly or explicitly. This total ban on their developing sexuality requires sexually interested children to either forego the opportunities when they present themselves, or to betray their parents' trust. This, I think is the most nefarious consequence of our cultural taboo on childhood sexuality. In order to gain any satisfaction related to sexual experience, a child must break the rules. She must act as an outlaw and hide from discovery. As you say, the right to say "no" is only a right if it is counter balanced with the right to say "yes".

But, I do not think children should be given a Carte Blanche to engage in any kind of sex with anyone they wish. To me, sex should be treated like any other kind of activity; supervised, and limited to those things which do not harm, disrespect, or offend, either the child herself, or whoever else may be involved.

Children do not raise themselves. They require a lot of care and attention. They have to be clothed, fed, sheltered, and taught how to fend for themselves, and all within the context of the society in which they live. We do them no service if we simply take off all controls and say,"You are now free to make up your own mind and do whatever you want." Sex is no different than any other aspect of a child's life. They should learn to enjoy it safely, and make wise decisions about whom they will share this intimate act with. This means they must be taught and nurtured in the erotic arts, much as they are in every other part of life.

While I agree that children do have sexual desires and that society makes a grievous error in banning all manifestations of it, we must "liberate" children only as far as their developmental stage of life will safely allow, and never give up our obligation to parent, mentor, and teach children what they need to know as they grow into adulthood.

28