Hi Cindy,

"If we liberate children based on what they should be able to handle and understand at their stage of life, do we generalize and say all 10 yo's are ready for such and such, or do we go on a case by case basis and look at each one individually. If we look at each one individually, what criteria do we use to determine what a particular person should be able to understand and who makes that decision?"

I think you misunderstand me. I don't think we should generalize and say that readiness can be determined based soley on chronological age. There should be no hard and fast AOC as that, by definition, must be based on chronological age, rather than on mental age.

No one know the child better than the parents. This is why I said in my original message, "To me, sex should be treated like any other kind of activity; supervised, and limited to those things which do not harm, disrespect, or offend, either the child herself, or whoever else may be involved." Parents take the responsibility when it comes to giving permission in almost all other areas of the child's life. Far from believing that the children need more "freedom", I think they need more supervision and attention, especially when it comes to something as important as sexuality development. It's prohibition that I think needs to go, not parental involvement.

Let's look at times, places, and with whom, children generally choose to explore sex. Right now it is furtive and hidden. If they want to explore, they will do it with neighbors, siblings, classmates, and anyone else with whom they might have an interest. They find secret locations and, if it is two children, generally proceed with ignorance coupled with the fear of discovery. It is often convenient to engage in these activities during sleepovers (after the lights go out), when parents are not home, or in little enclaves where they think they will not be disturbed.

If we normalize the childhood libido and engage in frequent discussions about safety, respect, and pleasure, we can give permission for the child to engage in sexual experiences at his/her own pace and with our guidance. They can feel free to discuss things with us and will not be ashamed to ask questions. It's the prohibition and repression that is bad, not the manifestation of a child's natural urges, desires, and curiosities.

In short, I don't think we should "liberate" prepubescent children, but we should normalize their sexuality and grant them the right to learn about it hands on, with the same level of parental guidance and supervision that they would expect to encounter in all other activities.

28 Who believes that once childhood sexuality itself is normalized, all other things relating to it will be open to discussion.