I am now officially grieving for the ones that are taking their lives one by one, in my community, right here in my own neighborhood, a man has committed suicide, I was called in to give counseling to the wife, and the children of the one that committed this act. The note, which he left taped to the television screen, said "I leave this note here, because I know you will find this first, before you find me." and it was addressed to "To the family that never knew me." and then went on to explain why he was committing suicide. Folks, the reason I did not address this subject as OT in the header is because this man, that I never knew, though he lived in this neighborhood, and worked just 3 miles away from my house, was a child lover. In the note, he said "I have lived with the guilt of having an attraction toward children for many years now, and I have kept this away from everyone, even myself at times, I have convinced myself many times that this is not true, only to come back and slap me in my face, whenever I see a little girl!" it goes on to say "To my children, though I loved you very much, I intentionally kept myself away from you so that I would not harm you in anyway."
This is extremely hard for me to handle right now, this is such a tragedy and my community is reeling from it. Children who were known to have contact with him, including his own children, are being "interviewed" by child services, and I've been asked to assist them, I have politely turned them down, citing reasons of "Personal interests" in the family and opted to do "personal counseling" sessions with the family themselves and have no interests in dealing with the other children at this time. I am heartbroken over this and I don't what else to say. This feels like the proverbial "the straw that broke the camel's back" I feel the load is so heavy right now that I can barely stand under it, in fact, more often than not I've been on my knees, which is where the Creator probably wants to be. This past year I have lost 4 personal close friends of mine, though I never knew this man on a one-on-one basis, I feel that I have now lost my 5th close friend this year.
I am in tears GC, please pray for the family of this one, the community is heartless toward him, saying that it was better for him to kill himself than to hurt a child, though he has done NOTHING to deserve this saying about him. It hurts me to my core, this was a human being that suffered, just like many of us from day to day suffer, from the fear, hating, loathing, crowds of society that just as soon kill us, then to look at us.
I feel the hate of the community toward this man, and he has done NOTHING wrong, but simply he finds a child sexually attractive, and because of THIS he deserves to die by his own hands, or by somone else's hands. Where are as a society that we feel this way toward another human being?