Short answer

Hi

I think you might have to delve into the archives for your answers. I might post a fuller account for you but basically I am what might be termed a recovering non-exclusive pedophile with an AOA of about 9-12. I do view pedophilia basically as detrimental in my life (the sexual attraction that is) and have gradually worked most of it out of my system (I always had an intuition that it was wrong anyway). I have been involved with this for about thirty years so I do not expect it to disappear overnight if this is actually possible, most 'experts' seem to think not. I think I can cope adequately either way, however. The change in my thinking has been gradual and was in place before I attended the SOTP.

I can tell you that I am feeling better now than ever and do not miss the sexual attraction aspects. One reason is that I am much more emotionally integrated now. I have been through long periods of depression and not knowing exactly what my problem was. As this was never confided to others I have had to deal with these problems by myself and gradually I have come to an understanding of myself and of the events producing these problems in my life.

I still find young girls attractive and mostly more beautiful than adults but I can deal with that. Today for example I came across a beautiful 6-year-old with long blonde hair. She stopped near me (on her scooter) and smiled at me and I of course smiled back. Years ago I might just not have allowed myself to do that since I might have felt guilty (thoughts of girl in fantasy etc.). Now I have no guilt and it shows. Mind you, I didn't talk to her since I am aware of the neighbourhood gossips and I am still at risk for my misdemeanours.

I may view pedophilia as mostly wrong but I am not in the camp asking for people to be locked up for their beliefs or orientations. I do believe that sexual contact between children and adults is mostly harmful, however. Mostly I am trying to understand more about pedophilia and possibly help any others who might want to change in some way.

As I commented in another post, I do not have experience with mental health professionals, only counsellors and the SOTP. I am aware of some of the problems. There are bound to be people who are attracted to the profession because of some desire they might have. There are numerous examples of children in care being abused by the so-called care-workers (and the other children). No excuses. That does not mean that all are like this, however.

I think the best support is from people who are open-minded and non-judgemental.

Moth