sometimes i just hate myself so goddamn much! I keep having these dreams where i'm trying to fondle this little girl and crush her and bite her neck to draw blood--and i like it in the dreams--and i hate that i like it. Sometimes when i'm walking and i see someone boy or girl who i think is beautiful the first thing that comes through my mind is how erotic it would be to hurt them.....and then hearing about all the children being abducted and murdered it makes me feel even worse for thinking such things. I don't know, sometimes i feel nso strange and hyper and squirmy inside, and it seems like the only way to make the feeling go away is to punch or strangle something. What the hell is wrong with me? I should not get turned on by seeing a little boy throw up in the street or by thinking of how nice it would be to see someone bleeding. It doesn't....work. I don't ever want to hurt anyone, not really....but sometimes it just makes me feel so trapped to know i can't do certain things. Virtual reality therapy do-whatever-you-want-with-a-hologram sessions--that what there should be. Ach. Sometimes i hate who i am. whatever