You have sadistic tendencies because you`re uncomfortable with your sexual feelings toward children. This is displaced aggression. The anger and loathing you feel toward yourself is instead directed toward the objects of your desire-lust-attraction-(pick a term).
I sometimes have thoughts similar to yours. You don`t really want to hurt kids, you want to hurt yourself. You`re basically not conscious of it, or you`re in denial. Take qa long, hard look at it in a rational, objective light. Yeah, it`s hard. Many times I look into a mirror(both figuratively and literally) and I don`t like what I see.
Do you think there is any validity to my ideas??
Just the other day I was doing some serious introspection and prayer, and I got a more in-depth understanding of why I got it so bad for little girls, why I have sadistic tendencies, and just generla insight into my "condition"...;-) I don`t like the way I sound so psychoanalytical, but I`m familiar with psychobabble, so that`s the cant I use when discussing this stuff...;-)
Take care...

Peter File (Kid Tested, Mother Approved)