I was thinking about one of my girls. If I were the age now that I was when I first met her, I'd be a potential boyfriend for her and no one would think anything of it. Another girl, I would be looked down on, bordering on illegal if we did anything sexual. Still another, we could date right now and while some people would say I'm too old for her, very few would think there's anything wrong with it (we are not nor have we ever been romantic so it doesn't matter, she's always been mostly a friend to me).

If I were to meet girls their former ages again, it would seem less innocent. I would be more suspect to everyone. I'm stuck in this loop of longing for something I never had, trying to get closer but constantly pulled further away. It feels hopeless now.