And speaking for myself and many other MAPs I personally know or have seen speak in Lifeline, there is that pervading loneliness when you realize that you will never be able to have a romantic relationship with a youth in your age of attraction, and you usually have to hide who you are simply to have close routine platonic interactions on a social and emotional level. And the latter is all but impossible if you choose to be "out of the toybox."
When you have a job where you deal with children then coming out of the toybox is not only reckless but also potentially dangerous. The only pedophiles I know that have come out are those who don't have that much in the pot. Either they have dedicated themselves to strictly political activism or they've become "virpeds" who decided to banish themselves away from children.
For me there is no other way but to keep bullshitting those around me. Constantly putting forth a pretend you is exhausting for anybody unless you're a psychopath.
Anyway my post was never intended for non-exlusives and I guess I should have made that clear. Non-exclusives live in a different world where the can have their adult romances and have their little minor attraction on the side. For them I guess it's no big deal. But for exclusives our pedophilia is a huge part of us that we constantly have to keep hidden.
Anyway sans is free to disagree all he wants. The orginal post was just tongue-in-cheek humor anyway but got turned into something more serious that I never originally intended. So I'll just end it here.