I certainly do not ask her to do it, but I have been known to pat her lip with my finger in a playful way, which 'reminds her' that she likes that thing, at which point she takes my finger and has her wicked way with it.

I am sorry, but that is still directing her. I'd also consider that a little manipulative. You're touching her lips with your finger, basically prompting her to suck it, and that is something you should not be doing. It's only ok if she takes your finger, on her own accord and chooses to suck on it. Still, even then you run the risk of others looking at the behavior and questioning it. Asking her to keep secrets is not a good idea either.

I am not sure if that is breaking the rulez or not, but she could certainly never say I had ever asked her to do it

You seem to think that anything you do to prompt her, other than asking is acceptable. Asking her to do it is not the only way to influence her behavior. This girl is not stupid and she knows when you put your finger on her mouth that you want her to suck on it. You seem to be telling yourself that this kind of manipulation is ok because you did not "ask" for it. Well, I am here to tell you that you did ask her for it, with your body language and behavior. People ask for things without words all the time, and this is what you're doing.

And I can certainly say that she started it completely unprovoked the first time, so yes all in all the impulse comes from her.

But, from what you're saying, you initiated all the rest of the finger sucking, except she happened to go along with it because she knows you like it. Kids do this kind of thing all the time. Someone they know and like wants them to do something, and they usually do it to make that person happy. It's a very fine line to walk, we can never be truly sure if she's doing something because she wants to do it, or because she wants to make us happy.

My advice would be for you to not initiate any more finger sucking, no matter how much you like it. Now, if she grabs your hand and does it completely on her own, totally unprovoked, then feel free to enjoy it. Just don't do anything to manipulate her into doing it, like putting your finger on her lips and patting them. lol, I still cannot believe that you did that and didn't think that was "asking"! 0_o

I hate to make an issue out of this, but I did not like how this sounded to me. We must always be very aware of how our actions affect the young ones around us. It's all too easy to project our subconscious desires unto the girls we love, and they do pick up on it.

Kero