This is the letter I am going to mail to all of my friends.
I would be grateful for constructive criticism on it - format,
wording, anything. Nothing will hurt my feelings. I would like
to have a good letter.

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September 20, 2004

Dear Friend,

There is some information about myself that, through our mutual circle of friends, you are either aware of or likely will hear soon. I want to tell you in my own words about these things. I expect you will have strong feelings after reading this regarding me, and I respect if you do not care for contact with me. Please let me know where you stand on my friendship with you after reading this, either through e-mail, friends, or the phone. I would appreciate that. I am very worried that this will cause my wife to lose friends and she doesn’t deserve that. If I need to drop out of our mutual circle to avoid her losing your friendship I certainly will.

I learned when I was eleven that I had sexual interest in children, primarily girls ages six to nine. This was in addition to an attraction to girls/women my own age. I eventually learned the word for this is pedophilia. I have never had sexual contact with a child as an adult. Eight years ago I was convicted of possession of child pornography from the internet. I underwent five years of court-ordered intensive treatment for sexual issues.

This is not something I chose in my life, or have any ability to fundamentally change. I struggle to live with it the best I can. I do not do things that are harmful or hurtful to children. It is more difficult to live with than you can imagine. I have been beaten with tire chains (Army), stabbed (high school), held down with scissors laid on my genitals in the past when people have found out in similar circumstances. It has always been a struggle with depression and suicidal thoughts living with something that people hate me so much for, and that I cannot make different despite any desire I might have to do so.

It has only been in my adult lifetime that child sexual abuse and pedophilia have been discussed widely. People have formed strong opinions about the subject. With such an emotional subject and a short period of time there is a lot of inaccurate perceptions about people like me. I would no more harm your children, mine, or any others than you would. Most child molestation convictions (95% per FBI stats) are committed by men who are not pedophiles and do not show response to visualizations of children when screened in prison (for many years all child sex offenders are screened with a plythysmograph to determine sexual orientation). The actions that make people hate me are committed mostly by people who are not like me at all. I am not sexual with children, and never have been.

Choosing to marry me was a very difficult decision for (wife). You may question her decision knowing what I have told you about myself. She educated herself on the topic, talked extensively with other spouses married to people like me (a support group), and spoke at length with my therapists. It is not easy for her. She almost decided to end our relationship while we were very much in love before our engagement. We developed a written plan for handling having children that keeps them safe.

This is why you know this about me now: (wife) and I agreed and told some of you these things because you had children who if I were in your shoes, I would expect to know. This was someone we are around frequently and this is fair to do. The time was coming with many of you when I would tell you, particularly as your children reach ages closer to where I have problems. (wife) and I talked about it every so often, is it time to tell this person? How will they react? And fear. Fear of all of this and losing all of my friends again over it. Fear for her of losing all her friends over it. It’s a tough thing. You would have heard it from me before your kids were two (those couples we spend a lot of time around) if it had not come out in this fashion. I dreaded this.

In the past people have responded in a few different ways. I have people who love and accept me for who I am. They tend to have strong opinions: “I think it’s very wrong to be sexual with a child” but realize just having those feelings is not the end of the world. I have people who continue to be friendly to me but hate my guts. I hear the truth from other mutual friends. They’ll even sit and have conversations with me. This is the worst for me. Just tell me honestly, I understand. It’s not the first time. The third has been an intensity of hatred for me that I don’t understand. It would not surprise me if one of you reading this has homicidal feelings towards me. It would not surprise me if one of you acted on that.

That’s the risk involved in writing this letter, and the only reason you didn’t know before now. I would love to live my life in honesty.

Rich, I owed telling you and Hope this by now. Two years ago you told me that you thought pedophiles should be killed in a conversation about what if someone hurt your son. That created a lot of fear in me. I appreciate you treating me decently at your party whatever your feelings about me are now.

God bless