To posting on VirPed. Boy, there are some seriously self-hating pedophiles there who are true victims of the status quo and the general pervasive hate of our kind.

I post there because the community is more active but also because there's an archive of nearly a half-million posts which I hope to learn from.

I was so young when I started posting here that I still have most of my life ahead of me, if I'm lucky. My last post was about a year ago where I suggested that I was able to change my sexual orientation towards adults. Well, I feel like eating those words at this point. I still don't have a 'happy" or functional (or even existent at this exact moment) relationship with an adult. This has been a goal of mine for a long time.

There's a serious question in my mind about what to blame for this. The purpose of assigning blame would be to inform the corrective action and direct myself down the right path. Much of the time I feel as if I just don't want to or don't feel capable of fulfilling the adult role required in a committed adult relationship. I guess I'm a Peter Pan. I'd be content courting 12 year-olds with innocent activities like going to the movies and eating out for the rest of my life by alas there's a marked shortage of parents that are okay with renting their daughters out to me. Even platonically. Humph...

I often ask myself if my adult relationships failed because I was never truly sexually compatible with my adult partner nor fully in love with them due to their non-minor status. Or was it because I held on tightly to broken relationships since I knew I wasn't ever going to be fully fulfilled so at least I should accept the bargain I'd been given.

I guess I just have to take things step by step. It seems like a hard to pill to swallow that to raise a family I need to love their mother. I've sexually disappointed multiple woman who I otherwise loved since they didn't really do it for me.

The adults that I do find attractive seem to be of such high sexual value that I'm almost weeded out before I start. This is the curse of time. I always age but they stay the same. We shall see what transpires. With any luck I'll meet a nice girl in her 20s who looks 12. Even better if I can do so without moving to Asia.