By the authority invested in me by The People's Itty Bity Titty Committee:
I hereby demand loli tribute from all our global contributors as proof of your loyalty to the cause. In keeping with social distancing recommendations, you can Fedex (or DHL) them to me, but please remember to poke some holes in the box before sealing it. Also, rush delivery prevents potentially err, "unsavory" legal issues.
List of demands to follow when I am high on edibles, probably not until the weekend.
To my challengers looking to kill me, I hereby offer you this olive branch of a free 5G cell phone, and some interesting hoarded pics of celebrity girls not yet seen in the public realm. Truce?