She needs to be told she does. She needs to believe she does because that is the only way the balance of power in the relationship will even out. Believing that, will enable her to interact with you on an equal footing, like you would your peer. If she does not know that, she will relate to you like every other adult... Doing and saying whatever she thinks you want, in order to please you and not get in trouble.

Wrong. Sadlife's point was correct; if she's five, if she wanders on slippery rocks... I hold her hand. She knows that she has all the power to surprise-struggle out of my grip and send both of us crashing into the water. (She considers it). LOL. But will I let go willingly...? No. "Rainbow," she says, "you can really let go now...". I consider it. "No, I think the rocks are too slippery... you could fall and get us wet. And you might hurt yourself."

She considers it. "Okay," she says.

I continue so that she at least remembers the important part. "This is fine because I'm not going to fall... and if you slip, I've got your hand to pull you up right away. If you're further away, and you slip and fall all the way in, then I have to go in after you... plus we both get wet, plus we have to explain to Mom."

"Oh," she says.

"I need to make sure you stay safe."

She grips tighter.

She was six, actually, and that's a word-for-word conversation from five or six years ago.

When she was nine, we wandered much further along the same rocks... also holding hands, but for different reasons.

~ rainbow