Hahaha, now I'm inspired to write mine.

JBaholic is more dangerous than Limp Bizkit singer Fred Durst.

He walks around town having to hide his identity, not because of public backlash, but for fear that a mob of cute tweens will swarm and cause him trauma.

Few people know JBaholic's real name, because the very sound of it will cause every girl between 10 and 14 in a 25 mile radius to simultaneously have an orgasm. The effects would be catastrophic... car wrecks, houses burning down, etc.

It is rumored that the JB in JBaholic stands for Jonas Brothers, Jack Black, or Just Bored. One idiot on the street believes it stands for Jasen Brigsby... aww shit, they're all having orgasms again.

JBaholic is notorious for loving little girls. He once caught a 12 year old who jumped from a burning building. She leaned up and gave him a kiss. That's when he knew it was true love. When no one was looking, he took her home, and proceeded to make dinner for her, and then cuddled up next to her and watched a movie. He took her home before it was past her bed time, and the parents were very grateful, allowing him to spend the night in her room, without adult supervision. They cuddled all night.

JBaholic has been pulled over for nearly veering off the road while watching a bunch of middle school girls walk home from school. His driving is so bad that it'd be much safer if you stand in the middle of the road. No mention was made by the cops of the words "Free Candy" on the side of his van.