"Where should I go?"

Contrary to other suggestions here, I strongly advise against 'professional help' as being completely useless for any problems you might have. If you tell a shrink you're attracted to girls, you're already doomed, even without mentioning violent fantasies. I don't see the point in throwing your life away, but if you want to, suicide is preferable to life-long captivity, in my opinion.

So, where should you go? I suggest Girl Chat Chat. I've never seen you in there, but I bet you'd be able to talk to people about this subject without leaving permanent posts about it on the board. If you're not registered for chat, ask the mods; I'm sure you've been around here long enough to get it. :)