My heart goes out to you. My advice (after you survive this and I totally believe you will) My advice is to never share this with anyone. My wife who knows everything about me had some very good advice for me I will pass along to you. Here on GC, we post and read and begin to believe that what we are is more acceptable than it really is. You have already lived some of my worst fears. I know how hard it is not to share this and not to hope desperately that others will understand and still be your friend. But I don't think the risk is worth it. My advice is that the world is not ready to accept us in any way shape or form. GC is a safe haven. If you have to share come here, but never, never, never come out to anyone unless they have given you signals that they share your feelings. To be honest with you, my gut feeling when I read the first part of you post was complete heartfelt sympathy, but when you said this has happened to you three times, I didn't feel as sympathetic. I still feel sympathetic, but not as much as if this was the first time. Learn from your mistakes and thank God you have a wife who loves you in spite of this. I have a wife like that too and yes, I still desperately wish I had a pedo friend. But I'm not going to risk my family and my life for it. I hope this is the last time you have to go through this. --- Peace brother === Strawberry