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Honestly, I dont know what I am lol
Posted by Cindy K on 2002-April-17 22:30:03, Wednesday
In reply to Thanks Cindy posted by Eeyore on 2002-April-17 22:00:43, Wednesday
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I don't know if I could call myself a child lover. Quite honestly, I am very confused about my sexuality. It was my husband that brought me to these boards in the first place and before that I thought just like society does about pedophilia. But after knowing him for 15 years and then finding this out after all that time, I knew he was still the same person he always was. His sexuality didn't change him as a person. So I was forced to open my eyes. And then through my attempt to understand him, I found myself having the same feelings he did about lg's. It sure scared the hell out of me at first, but with help from a good friend on line i was able to just accept it and move on. I dont know if I just talked myself into seeing it or if it was something that was with me the whole time. The only thing in my life I could even think about attributing it to was maybe because of some sexual play I was involved in when I was about 9 with a girl of about 8.
But my attractions go from adult men and adult women to lg's, mostly pre pubescent. But not lb's at all, but there are times when I find a teen boy attractive. I didn't even accept myself as bi sexual until I began talking with MAA's on the net. I just thought I was wierd or something. lol
I certainly plan on keeping this a part of my life forever. I suppose its rather cowardly to only do it behind the safety of my computer screen, but if I were to fight in rl i would most certainly lose my children and I am not willing to risk that.
I hope I didn't come off as being something that I am not. I'm really just confused about my feelings. And it hurts me when I hear on the TV that my fantasies make me a bad person. I dont think I am a bad person. And it hurts me that they are saying my husband is a bad person, because he's not either. We're just an average everyday family trying to live the best we can. We just happen to have parts of us that society deems as sick and demented. I've even heard people say that pedophiles are worse than murderers, and well, that really hurts me. One of my best friend is a pedophile.
Anyways, just wanted to clarify that with you. I'm just a confused mom is all. ;o)
Take Care
Cindy
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