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Re: Yeah, well...

Posted by Dante on Sunday, September 21 2014 at 07:21:23AM
In reply to Re: Yeah, well... posted by WalkingInThePark on Saturday, September 20 2014 at 09:34:52AM

"It sounds like you are reasoning away taking any action to help people."

There is the case of the hallucinating party trying to fly off a building. They need conservatorship.

Most folks making choices, even poor choices, are in the legal position of being allowed to do so.

It sounds trite. But the old adage that nobody can change until they're ready to is true.

And in maaaaany cases, the busybody is intruding into a matter where they merely disagree over taste; "I can't see why you would want to do that, therefore I must interfere with your ability to do that."

But short of "call the cops he's about to jump," ( which Hajduk pointed out often ends up with the officers killing the "suicide" ) the best way to have an influence when they are ready to listen was by not pushing yourself out of their life when they weren't ready to listen.

Its one thing to refuse to facilitate the poor choices of another. Its another to insist that they make your choices now d*mmit.

They may need you later to support the change if and when they agree. But you can't be around if you "tough love" your way out of their life.

BTW, "tough love" works even less well on children than on adults. The adult will remove themself from your life. But you might hear through mutual acquaintances what they're up to.

The child, being a captive, will have no choice but to lie and hide their real life from you to make you go away. If they become good at this, then the moment when they need an ally will happen right under your nose without your knowledge.

Further, the adult, because they had the choice to leave, may choose to return and be a friend.

Whereas, once the child knows that you cannot be entrusted with the facts of their life they might not change their mind. Even the busybody who is right in one thing is probably not right in every regard. And who wants to spend a lifetime being judged rather than accepted and offered options?

I've spent far too much of my life hearing the things kids really wanted to be able to tell their parents. But the parents chose the illusion of control at the expense of having any influence. They still believe they're in control. And I end up being the one who knows what the kids are up to.

Dante

Dante





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