I suppose she's out of our age range these days, but I hereby petition that you check that 2023 list of yours twice, as she's been very naughty again.

I think she was recently arrested over energy production, and was also cheering on Hamas or something.

Also, something about a racist stuffed octopus, which she later claimed was a tool for expressing autistic feelings beyond a permanent "resting bitch face." At least there was no video of her attempting to dance awkwardly or have fun this year, AFAIK.

I hope you will present your usual proper gifts to her this year, or at least mismatch her sock drawer and ruin her time schedule for leaving you almond milk and gluten-free nori-cookies.

Sighhh.. She's a very naughty girl.

Yours,
Eeyore.