When I discovered GC I went all in. Pro contact, anti EE and Vichy, believer in benign child love. GC was a holy grail to a lifetime of confusion of my orientation. I made a lot of mistakes in my posts and you, Baldur, were always there to edit me and your efforts to keep me “safe” did not go unnoticed. It is a comfort to hear your words and know you are still here, caring for all of “us”.

I am recently challenged to think of GC as a force of good or evil. In many ways I wish I had never discovered this place. Anger from this view has resulted in my recent posts. Your patience with my shit is a comfort to me.

My journey has gone from overwhelmed to nihilism to finding God to total pessimism to clinging to God and my own twist on Christianity, sidetracks to Islam and a return to a void of hatred of my own consciousness and wish to have never been born (hi Job and Jeremiah). I think E.M. Cioran said it best.

These are dark days. As all of GC knows I am elderly and although death is always near, it is closer for me now. And other shit. I fear eternal damnation at the ultimate day of judgement. Will my child love be my ruin? That question could drive a pedo insane. It is a war without weapons.

Kindness to others that sail with me is the last thing that I cling to. Thank you for encouragement.

[the following should probably be addresses is separate posts but I am too lazy]

Regarding Diss: the difference between 9 and 15 is HUGE in current social hatred. He doesn’t quite feel the murderous rage of the exclusive pedo.

Regarding Hajduk: he is too militant for my tastes. A different poster named qtns was more human to me. Oh, and it didn’t hurt that he had a dozen or so LGF’s. Haha.

Anyway, it’s all just a tiny blip on the radar.

Love, joy, and at least a tiny ray of hope to you sir!