...you're just either hurting really badly or under the influence a lot lately, quite possibly a combination of the two. I understand these situations, but one thing you can do to avoid saying things on here that you may later regret is to do your best to try to avoid posting under those circumstances. Hurting or lashing out at others that care about you and who provide you with a pillar of support is not a productive form of venting or catharsis, which is something we all need to consider. We all need each other, because none of our friends outside the community can truly understand what it's like living in our shoes (save perhaps for some older LGBT people who became of age prior to the modern era).
That being said, I'm glad to see you and I would like to help if I can.