Hello friends (^_^)
Here is a collection of responses to my questions that I have received so far.
Questions *17-32* followed by Responses to the Questions:
17. In a society that is less suppressed or oppressed about their sexuality as a whole, 'consent' itself should be all that it will take for people of all ages to obtain sexual gratification. Would you agree?
Ans: No. Consent needs to be accompanied by compassion, caring, affection and self control. If the child wants to stop, then stop.
-Generally yes. Where I am still questioning is how we arrive from where we are, with sex being commodified harming mostly everyone whether we partake in it or not, into such a consent based society. But my own lack of imagination is no limitation for what is possible.
--No. Consent and absence of harm. If a person is harmed, then they were not fully informed on things. If they were not fully informed, there is no consent. So, besides saying "yes", both parties must not do anything that hurts one another.
---So long as by "consent" we understand that to mean "informed consent", then yes.
----While I would agree with this statement, I would take the word "consent" out of it and replace it with something else—something we can all agree upon. The issue with consent is that it's a technical concept that can be hard to define and establish, which is why I think there's a lot of disagreement and misconceptions surrounding children's capability of giving it. Even if children couldn't manifest their sexual consent (either because they can't talk yet, they don't have enough knowledge on the matter yet, or they just aren't mentally mature enough to comprehend the potential consequences or whatever), there is something they can most certainly do and have been doing ever since getting out of mummy's tummy: express their pleasure and displeasure (e.g. by laughing, crying, saying that it feels nice or it hurts). This is the reason I have recently started to prefer thinking of this issue in terms of signs of pleasure, comfort and enjoyment rather than signs of the more cryptic and harder to establish question of consent. You can clearly see when a child is enjoying themself, and I dare say that enjoyment is a perfectly adequate indicator for willingness.
=Yes. Less repressed society but also more empathetic and enlightened society.
+ I don’t understand what is meant by this question.
17. bringing the word "consent" into it gets thorny, becuase "consent" is usually a legal term, and by definition, children cannot legally consent. That aside, as I said before... if she's happy with what's going on and wants more, she should get more.
18. Is there too much fear of accepting childhood sexuality, since if children actually had rights to express it openly (among other interests they deserve the right to experience), much of the current political and cultural systems would need to change, where capitalism could even collapse, and the power of governments would more or less cease over the current domain of oppressed common citizens. Could you agree that giving children the same rights as an older human, a.k.a. 'adult', would there be a shift in power that would consequently prevent the 'elites' -which is comprised of only adults- from controlling the entirety of the planet, while losing what they believe should be owned by them alone?
Ans: The current climate of denying children sexual pleasure is about ownership. Children are view as property and are not allowed to have desires of their own.
The culture needs to change so they letting your children have sex is just another kind of play date... not a threat to your role as parent.
- 18. Yes. Essentially all societies have created some form of elite classes with more rights or privileges than others. The sources for this power have varied immensely but you can notice them if you observe it well. The main exceptions have been small communes. Those are limited by Dunbar as they need strong cohesion and social bonds in which norms can be universal among the membership. And they still often degenerate into creating elite classes over time. Especially as they grow larger. This has been attested in history. Back to the question, recognizing the rights of children as worthy humans, one of which is sexual expression freely and openly, definitely would alter power structures in society and would either require to be established or lead after it becomes true, or both, broader and deeper social changes. To a significant degree this is a reason why I'm at a loss at how to move from A to B. It is a Gordian knot.
(NOTE to Hajduk *from* Kratt) :
"18. Yes. Essentially all societies have created some form of elite classes with more rights or privileges than others. The sources for this power have varied immensely but you can notice them if you observe it well."
Answer to the assumption:
"the 'elites' -which is comprised of only adults-"
The assumption in question... is yes-and-no.
One conspicuous sign of a society having a true elite is wealthy child burials. Which means that elite status is openly recognized as hereditary and shared by children of elites - but of course not all children! In contrast to societies where the elites give their children a head start in life but pretend that the elite status is achieved by merit as adults.
But while children who are openly recognized as hereditary parts of elite share a bunch of privileges of their parents, they do not share the full agency of elite adults. In that sense, they are still not full part of "elite".
(Response to Kratt *from* Hajduk in return about question 18) :
-I actually didn't want to make the answer too long but I was thinking of that a little. Now we are used to elites based mostly on economic status. But over time elites have been hereditary aristocracy, military leaders, religious leaders, and so on; and now I could even include politics based elites who didn't come from these groups (I mentioned Maduro in another thread. Ocasio Cortez is another example. There are more). Many times these didn't intersect completely. For instance in Dharmic societies religious elites many times were privileged socially but economically rather poor. In the West the very rich were not always the most important people especially when aristocracy and church carried more real power. In Classical Islam the three sorts of elite could change over generations from one sort to the other and the latter two provided some social mobility. Chinese bureaucracy did too to some degree. It's well known that for a time in Classical Rome you lived better as a rich plebeian than a poor patrician, and even as a house slave to someone very rich of either hereditary class.
And this is only about general trends. As you point out, sectors within each may be less privileged. Children have historically not had the social clout of their parents. Societies with entrenched aristocracies have witnessed children being in arranged marriages for keeping the hereditary class a closed shop.
What is different with children and the more so in modern societies is that they are intently disenfranchised even when they are born into an economic or aristocratic upper social group. In that sense I may not be as "children ist" as OP but I definitely perceive the problem and have seen it have ill consequences for children; sometimes with long term effects.
--I think not. When women joined the workforce, capitalism rejoiced. If kids had the right to work, the price of manpower would further decrease, creating a situation where every worker would be worth less, allowing the elites to have access to more workforce for less money.
---I think it's going to take more than just that.
----I couldn't tell you whether other people fear this because I don't know, but personally I feel like this would be a very ridiculous and unfounded fear to have. Would the current political system really need to change that much for children sexuality to become accepted? Societal views would need to change, yes, and laws too, but politics? Even to the point of causing capitalism to collapse? Nonsense. Children are already challenging societal views and laws by acting sexual today. Being the sexual beings they are, pretty much all of them manifest sexual behaviour, either intentionally or unknowingly; either by themselves, with their peers or with adults. But children are not interested in politics, so fear not my fellow capitalist overlords, you won't be giving them too much power by granting them legitimate sexual rights. They won't be able to overthrow you anytime soon.
=Yes, that is correct. When slavery was abolished, many in society expected society to come crashing down. When women were given the vote and rights, people expected society to collapse. These are big shifts in power and society where privileged groups are expected to give up their position of privilege. They never do unless they are forced to. The monarchies of Europe didn't give up power to be kind to the people, they did it when revolutions threatened heads. Women got power when they threatened to stop stop cooking, cleaning or withheld sex. Children would only get respect and rights if they created a cost to adults, such as withholding love, refusing education or something else adults expect.
+It’s really difficult to know exactly what the impact of a more open and healthy society would present on those social, economic, and political systems.
18. Bruh, pass whatever you're smoking, seems like good shit. Children are having sexual relationships on the daily. There's no reason that being open with it would necessarily collapse capitalism/society...
19. What rights should a child have with their own life in an ideal setting? What rights would you like to have had as a child?
Ans: I had sexual play dates when I was a child. But they were all in secret. And they were all a little scary over the fear of being caught. I wish my parents had known and approved and let me and my friends touch, suck, lick and fuck each other openly in my bedroom.
--Any right that does not:
a: kill them or;
b: could injury them forever.
My country already has given children rights. Their rights are compiled in the Estatuto da Criança e do Adolescente. Take a look, but you will need a translator.
---The same as everyone else, provided they can demonstrate that they are informed about whatever it is.
---- I believe children should generally be given the same rights as adults, except when it comes to making decisions or executing actions which could potentially have a negative impact in a third person. For example, driving a car would be something that could potentially harm or even kill someone else, so children shouldn't be allowed to do this until they become mentally and physically capable of handling the full responsibility such a task entails. I also love what walkinginthepark said here about responsibility for one's own life (and let me add: full ownership of one's own body) being a fundamental and inalienable human right, as long as people don't hurt themselves (although imo they should be able to euthanise themselves if suffering from chronic, incurable pain).
= It should be a fundamental right that all people are responsible for their own life as long as the intent is not self harm. A child should be able to "divorce" abusive parents. Should be able to demand safety and care. Should be able to choose who they love and how. Should be empowered. But, should understand the responsibility that comes with that. Children should learn the importance of empathy also, learn about compromise and learn why their parents and others encourage and expect the things they do. An adult who insists you get up early for school is caring for your important education. A parent who pushes you to eat healthy is caring for your health. My kids are smarter than me in many ways. They exercise and eat healthy with the exception of a MacDonalds as a treat. They are self motivated to do well at school and generally understand the importance of education and health. But that's because, I think, I've always taken the time to explain the why's and not just demand. If I'm serving up healthy food, I talk through the why's. I've found if they are shown respect and talked to properly they will generally come to sensible decisions. Not always but then who does?
+Before even getting into sexuality, we have to acknowledge that children in some households can’t even play alone in the yard for five minutes without a helicopter parent 10 feet away from them out of irrational “stranger danger” fear that “you can’t let your kid out of your site for two seconds these days”. That has to have a detrimental impact on children’s confidence to complete the simplest of tasks independently, and also instills fear in them when they should be much more carefree.
19. all of them.
20. Would learning subjects such as intimacy and sexual practices in school be safer than the possibility of a child being introduced to the same subjects through pornography, seen by the child on their own without parental guidance?
Ans: Yes, school sex ed should be more explicit and include live examination of genitals of volunteer adults and children and films of loving sexual intercourse. Parents should allow their children to have sexual play dates and use that as an opportunity to discuss the nature of sex while the children play.
--Yes, that's why some schools have sexual education as optional class. Everyone would join those classes, was not for the limited number of seats. The kids fight to join it.
---Perhaps. I'm undecided about the extent to which "safety" would really be a concern there.
----This should go without saying. (Comprehensive) sex-ed in school is not really comparable to pornography. The latter is meant to stimulate you by use of unrealistic situations full of carnal savagery and bad scripts, and devoid of foreplay, gentleness and affection. Meanwhile, the former is set out to teach you all about best practices on sexual health, birth control, and so on. While you can learn some things from watching porn alone, the most useful things (in particular the ones related to safety) you will learn in sex-ed class. Or, if you were unfortunate enough to have abstinence-only sex-ed or not sex-ed at all, you will learn these things from friends or family willing to teach you, or —worst case scenario— you will make some mistakes and learn not to repeat them.
=Of course. The school is the place to teach such things, as is the home.
+It depends on how honest the curriculum is and what type of influence people in powerful positions want to exert over this. Based on the hysteria over even the most conservative sexual education, I am not confident. Yet, I am not confident modern day pornography with abusive choking, slapping, etc., is going to provide a healthy sexual education either.
20. hard to say. same as any other subject, depends on the teacher.
21. Have you had any in-depth communication with children about their future(s), or do you think asking children about where they could be heading, and/or what they need to do to prepare themselves for the future is not all that necessary?
--I have had. But they are usually the ones starting such conversation. They talk about dreams and I help them plan.
---- Necessary for what exactly? I find it to be an interesting topic of conversation to have with any children, but I wouldn't exactly call it "necessary", in the sense that you must talk to them about this, just like you must talk to them about sex at some point (aka "the talk"). Things like "what do you want to be when you grow up", "where do you see yourself being 10/15/20 years from now?", "would you like to get married and have children of your own sometime?", are all very intriguing and thought-provoking questions which I have naturally asked other children in the past, and I have also been asked when I was a child myself.
=Yes but more with regards to education and career. Where would they like to go to school, what would they like to do as a job. We've talked about different types of job, the type of education that would help and what that job is really like. Also, countries, where would they like to live. Also, a little bit about marriage and the importance of some day having a partner who respects them.
+I wish I could have these in-depth conversations, but all too often it’s just surface pleasantries.
22. Do you think children may grow up feeling suppressed and/or oppressed if there is nothing you can do about letting them have more rights during this time in history, with the only exception of being able to at least inform them about how human life should be?
Ans: Yes. Gen Z'ers are very repressed
-- Depends: many children believe that having rights is something that should not happen to them. The membership of youth rights movements is very thin. It only worked in my country because it was imposed by politicians. There was no real "fight for rights".
----You cannot be sad about what you don't have if you don't know you could have it and be happier for it. Meaning that, children that are ignorant about there being other rights (apart from the ones that they currently have) that are being denied to them, children that are ignorant about sex, masturbation, etc. and how pleasurable all of this can be for them—these children will be perfectly happy in their ignorance. Conversely, children who do know about sex and the fact that they shouldn't be practicing it because they are "too young", will inevitably feel repressed, undervalued, discriminated and marginalised, as if the adults had thrown a party in which everyone was invited except for them.
= I think so but then I don't think they have a reference. Children are born with no rights and never experience rights until they are adult and so they have nothing to compare their situation to. Maybe if they were presented with an alternative, the pro's and con's, maybe they would start to want something different.
23. Do you think books on parenting or raising a child fail in any way if you have seen them or read them? What kinds of information would you like to see available for parents, teachers, adult guardians, caretakers of children, etc.?
Ans: Books should be open, explicit, shame free, and undramatic regarding sex and love.
--The only parenting book I read was Rousseau's Émile. I detest the unequal treatment he gives between boys and girls. Book IV is particularly disgusting, where "some" humiliation performed by a girl upon a boy is seen as healthy, because, in marriage, the man is supposed to endure the woman. What the actual fuck?
---- I wouldn't know as I haven't read any book of this kind.
=Yes, very much so. When we had our first child we opted for a parenting class. They taught us how to change a nappy, feed a baby and other practical actions. I remember when our first child was born, the next day we were told we could leave and I was stunned and panicked a bit. "Really? I'm not ready, this is too big a responsibility". They wouldn't let me drive a new car from the garage with so little experience or training. Even when we bought a pet we had inspectors checking our grounds and ensuring we knew what we were doing. But then you have a baby and you're just let loose. I still find it crazy but then people manage.
For those first few years its a massive learning curve. Our little girl would masturbate a lot and my wife paniched and jumped on a parenting forum. We were assured it's normal. In fact, we looked through the forum and every day there were dozens if not more posts asking the same thing. You see, kids are pure but then they often masturbate and it's not what we expect. Books and courses should really tell parents to expect these types of thing and to not panic. It was stop a lot of stress and confusion.
+I think they reflect the mindset of whoever wrote them and the cultural mindset of the audience who reads them.
24. Do you think it is possible to teach children honesty, love, ethics, discipline (self-discipline) and humanitarianism through various forms of intimacy? (Being intimate with others, and learning how to in home/school).
--It is, but the partner necessarily has to be older, since peer-aged children are not often well-versed in any of such subjects.
----Children hate to be treated like children. They like to do things by themselves, and will seize every chance the get to show you how they can do some things by themselves. They appreciate being treated with respect just like any other human being. They have the potential to be very disciplined and humanitarian, just as they have the potential to love, be honest, and be intimate. To what extent they end up developing and manifesting these potentials will largely depend on how you raise them.
=I do. My kids are generally as disciplined as adults. I sneak chocolate, my kids tell me off because it's unhealthy. They exercise, eat better than me and are more sociable. They are far from perfect but then I don't know anyone who is. I think children can be very disciplined and smart if given the opportunity to be.
+I’m not sure what is meant by “intimacy” in this context.
25. Is there any subject other than ethics that would provide the most essential knowledge directly to children on how to live life in the best of ways? And would it be more important to teach and 'save' the children First, rather than adults who would be next in line to learn if they had missed out on such teachings early on when they initially should have gained such wisdom?
Ans: Yes. Kindness and compassion are the most important aspects of being a good person.
Ethics are principles to enact kindness but kindness is the root.
--Teach philosophy in all education levels: introduction, cosmology, anthropology, metaphysics, aesthetics, knowledge theory, classic ethics, contemporary ethics, politics, how society works, culture and current affairs. Of course, each subject should be adapted to the kid's age. Perhaps learn playing...
---Art, Music, Mathematics, Philosophy.
----Parents and educators should be teaching children about all kinds of things in order to make their lives as meaningful and happy as possible. They should teach them what is, in my opinion, one of the most important rules of all, the golden rule of "primum non nocere" ("first, do no harm"; the concept of non-maleficence). They should also be teaching them about empathy, altruism, modesty, and other similar good characteristics any civilised person should possess. They should teach them about sex and rape, and how to tell them apart. They should teach them about basic emergency procedures, such as calling the local emergency number when something's wrong and they need assistance. They should give them the freedom to go explore their local neighbourhood own their own, and let them get to know their fellow neighbours. They should teach them not to judge people based on their appearance, not to discriminate against ethnicity, gender, age, religion or anything else, and that just because someone is stranger, it doesn't automatically mean that they are dangerous, just as it also does not mean that they can instantly be trusted.
=Development of empathy, economics, balance, nature and more.
+I think critical thinking skills is sorely missing from curriculum, but in some cultures, it is attacked and people feel threatened with children having this ability.
26. Since love does not imply 'penetration', should it then be acceptable for adults to truly love children specifically, with their underdeveloped bodies, and for children to truly love adults in return without the possible feeling of being overwhelmed or experience 'a bit too much' during sexual play/experiences, considering the adult takes adequate responsibility to not do harm, and deeply respect a child's needs? -Should penetration be acceptable if there is consent?
Ans: Children enjoy sex play and sexual pleasure without penetration. But when they are of the age where they want to experiment with penetration, they should experiment. If it hurts they will stop. But it has to be the child's choice when to start and when to stop.
--No. Like I said, consent is not the only thing that matters. The other is absence of harm.
----Yes. There was a time when people used to think things like race, religion, gender, and age mattered in sexual and romantic relationships. Even today many people still think this way, when in reality what should only matter is that each person involved wants to be intimate with one another, and that they derive pleasure and not displeasure from the experience. It really couldn't get any easier than this. Even a one-year-old could understand these simple requirements.
=Penetration like any sexual act is an act between two people and should never be forced, regardless of age. Adults and children should understand that intimacy comes in many forms and should feel no pressure to accept any single form. Only do what feels right and comfortable.
+ If there is consent and if it actually wouldn’t cause harm to the younger person.
27. Can we agree that infantophilia / paedophilia / hebephilia isn't actually what anyone should fear, only molestation, sexualization, rape, violence and abuse of all kinds, etc., that specifically is Not about how to be a good lover, or how to simply love children in appropriate ways?
--We can. But society needs to know what each of those labels mean.
---Define "sexualization" I often feel that one is just something that people who want see children as pure asexual beings say. But perhaps you just mean "sexual objectification"? Even then, that's some people's kink, and ultimately just a form of speech... So I'm hesitant about that one, but otherwise, Yes. I might add physical stocking to the list however, don't forget physical stocking.
----Paedophilia is love for children, and children are so easy to love—so naturally and effortlessly loveable that it amazes me how people can not be paedophiles. But what's even more bewildering, is the fact that someone could be the polar opposite: a paedophobe. How could so many people be child haters? How could they be against children's fundamental right for unconditional sexual expression?
Where does this irrational fear of child sexuality come from? How could someone ever be afraid of something so natural and wonderful? How could someone deny child sexuality, when they themselves were once a child and were sexual back then, just like every other child in the world is? So to answer your question, of course paedophilia & co. shouldn't be feared, as it would be irrational to do so. But then again, the definition of a phobia is that it is an irrational fear, so I guess this is why they are paedophobes after all.
=Yes, I can agree to that. I have an adult friend who was raped, it was crushing for her. Age had no role to play. But I had a pleasurable sex life as a child and I had friends who did to some degree or other also. It isn't age that determines the positive or negative effect of sex.
+The key word is “should”. People shouldn’t fear these things, but people have all kinds of irrational and prejudicial fears, so unfortunately, I can’t say that they don’t fear someone just because of their sexual orientation and attractions. And people fear living children in "appropriate ways?
28. Should people be allowed to have sex anywhere they please? -If animals are 'doing it', even in front of their young, should we as humans also have this opportunity? Will this display of activity in public help to prevent sexual abuse or misconduct since the public eye will be able to intervene relatively easily?
Ans: No. Part of sex is intimacy, intimacy requires a little privacy. But we did it in small groups when I was a kid and that was fine.
-- I don't think so.
---Oops I already answered this one in #14
. Anyway, yes. So long as they don't litter. And if they do litter, then they ought to be punished in the same way as any other litterer, whatever that is.
----If you are in the presence if people having sex, you are a passive participant, much like if you are in the presence of a person smoking, you are a passive smoker. Passive participants should be asked for consent just like you would an active participant. So my answer here would be generally no, I don't think sex should be allowed just anywhere in public, because it would most likely be awkward and inconvenient for passive participants who never agreed to be part of the sexual act, just like non-smokers today find it annoying when smoking people light up a cigarette near them while waiting for the bus, to give an example.
= I don't think people should just be having sex everywhere. People shouldn't feel guilty for being intimate in front of a child. That child will some day have a relationship even if it's later in life as an adult and so seeing the normality of it should be a positive thing.
+Not really. It’s one thing to believe in sexual freedom, but I think sex should still be done in private because viewing sex could be in itself a sexual act, and someone needs to consent to that. Also, there are all kinds of settings where sex would be inappropriate, such as during a funeral or in the waiting room of a doctor’s office. That doesn’t make sex bad, but there’s a time and place for it, and some times and places are inappropriate.
28.5 Would sex in public be a more appropriate and acceptable alternative than using drugs in public?
---No? why should either be inappropriate or unacceptable? ... although drugs that create smoke may be best to keep in private or to designated areas (the whole littering thing again)
----Neither sex nor drugs in public would be acceptable in my opinion because of the aforementioned issue of forced passive participation.
=Yes but I don't think it should be the norm still.
+ I personally don’t understand the need to have sex in public. I think we can acknowledge that it can be a beautiful and natural event, but there are times and places it’s not appropriate, in a similar way that there is nothing wrong with having a cell phone conversation but there are times and places where that is not appropriate.
29. Do you think masturbation is safe at any age? Do you think children could use more guidance on how to do it safely?
Ans: Yes. Children benefit from learning how to masturbate, watching others masturbate and understand that masturbation is not shameful but is harmless (private) fun.
--I don't think they need guidance on masturbation, but I think it's safe at any age.
---No, elderly persons may want to ask their doctor whether their heart is healthy enough for sex before taking Ocrevus... I mean before masturbating
( dumb joke, pharmaceutical ads, I'm not even sure if that's one of the ones where they say that)
----Absolutely. Not only is masturbation safe; it's also perfectly natural and healthy. No, I do not think children need guidance on how to practice safe masturbation because as I said it is already safe (it's not like they could get an STD or an unwanted pregnancy from it), and also because I believe we should let children naturally discover the charms of masturbation by themselves, as they will inevitably do sooner or later. While masturbation can be practiced with a partner, it is first and foremost a solo act, so let them discover it by natural curiosity and self-loving. At least initially—then you can offer them a guiding hand if you want to and they are also willing.
= It is safe and normal, as parents we learn that when we're confronted by it. I remember the first time I came as a child because I panicked, I actually thought I was going to die. I wasn't educated about it, I just discovered I enjoyed it and I was fortunate to soon after have an adult partner who was able to guide me more. It helped. At the very least, it should be taught in schools what to expect.
+Yes. Masturbation is safe and healthy and natural at any age (as indicated in the literature- even in the womb!), but just like not touching a hot stove, children can be taught not to do use an object for this job that would physically hurt them. But a lot of parents aren’t willing to do this themselves, much less let someone else teach them that.
30. When you were a child yourself, did you have any romantic or sexual feelings for other children or adults? If so, at what age did you first notice such feelings? How old were the people you were attracted to, and do you think any of them could have loved you in return, if it was a situation where they were unaware of your feelings and interests?
Ans: Yes. I fingered girls and they played with my cock when I was 4 or 5. I learned to masturbate and exchange blowjobs my friends when I was 8 or 9. We had preteen orgies with girls and boys from when I was 9 until I was 12.
I would have fucked the lady next door in a heart beat when I was 11.
I kept sucking boy cocks until I was 14.
--I had a sexual interest in a boy aged 4 when I was 5. And a romantic interested in a girl of my age, also when I was aged 5.
---First around the age of 11 I believe. I was attracted to other girls in my class. I know for a fact that at least 2 girls were interested in me around that time too (one of whom I did not like, the other moved away).
----Yes, at around 8 or 9 years old I lost my immunity for Cupid's arrow and quickly began to appreciate the beauty of girls in my class. To some of them I would tell them that I fancied them and I would even write them love letters. They would usually just laugh my feelings off, which was hurtful but I would swiftly move on to lust after the next pretty girl in my list. I realise my fascination (and I could even call it obsession, at least in some specific instances) for little girls goes way back, to the idyllic time when I was a young lad myself.
= I think I had more experiences than most growing up from what I've read of others.
When I was around 6 or 7 I had a girlfriend. One day we climbed in her parents bed and dropped our pants and explored each other. I didn't know what to do, it was mostly touching. I do remember her big mean looking brother banging on the door and shouting and be totally panicking.
Around a year after I begun a sexual relationship with a man who was a family friend. I grew strong affection for him, he was kind and gentle and it was a journey I enjoyed. I actually became a little stalker for a while, I couldn't get enough of him to the point that I once walked out of my house and went to his across town without permission. My parents were not impressed with me walking off like that.
Later, around the age of 12 I had a crush on an older girl who would have been around 18 or 19. I remember having a bit of a fling wih her, just touching each other but I was in heaven having a naked lady to play with.
Actually, I had more experience as a child than as an adult. I lost my mojo as an adult I think
+Of course! Probably around 10 (sexual feelings) and for a girl around my same age. I think I felt romantic feelings before that.
31. When a child becomes a 'teenager', what would you say are the most noticeable aspects of their underdeveloped persona that they as a teenager will usually struggle with before they become 20 years old - or even until about the age of 25 when the human brain stops developing? (Any and all mostly 'normal' psychological issues or personality/behavioral problems/disorders or underdeveloped traits).
Ans: No comment
-- The aspects that must go will go naturally. If we are talking about stuff like eating candy and watching cartoons, a ton of adults do those things. I think that the only thing they might struggle with are responsibilities.
---Pick an adult and I can find a child with a more "developed persona" then them. Pick a child with and I can find an adult with a more "underdeveloped persona" than them. While there certainly are trends in the average, I don't think there are any inherent differences between adult and child personality. However, children have had less time to develop certain skills, such as the skill of being able to articulate oneself and to articulate where one is confused. Those are things that many people struggle with, but that often improve to some extent with time (which does not stop at the arbitrary ages of 18 or 25).
... in my experience.
----Their lack of life experience paired up with their underdeveloped cognitive skills will undoubtedly lead to poor decision making, but I believe that is the beauty of this age: taking chances and learning from your mistakes, and acquiring knowledge in the best possible way: by experimenting, doing, undoing, and redoing. Adolescents also lack training in critical thinking, and will tend to think more emotionally than analytically. They will frequently fall prey to all kinds of cognitive biases and distortions. Although many of this traits aren't exclusive to teens, as it would seem that many people never learn to think analytically, even way after their teen years. For example, when people think that "Paedophilia feels disgusting to me, therefore it's wrong", that's an example of the kind of fallacious argument that can arise when you let your emotions influence your reasoning.
=Mood swings. By the teenage years they can get more moody and more secretive with their peer groups.
+Impulsiveness and risk-benefit analysis. This may be an unpopular but that's one concern I have about things like marijuana usage in young people, even though it's become very trendy to say it's all okay. I certainly don't think it's something that someone should go to jail for and have their life forever ruined by, but I also am concerned that it's not good for people to use.
31.5 Is society and/or civilization to blame for a growing person's psychological or personality 'disorders' (common issues that can actually be fixed/improved such as depression, aggression, dangerous behavior, hyperactivity, etc.) most of the time, or is it simply due to hormonal changes that occur naturally, or perhaps due to the resulting combination of both situations?
Ans: Western society creates sexual and body shame. We would all be far better off and more "sane" if we could ditch all that prudish shit.
--Both things can be held accountable: biology and society.
----Society and governments are responsible for many mental disorders inflicted on people due to their oppressive views and laws. They are to blame for significant distress caused in people of colour when they were segregated, homosexuals when they were ostracised, paedosexuals when they were (and are) demonised, and in children every time they are belittled and denied their bona fide right to sexual expression, every time a child is caught with their hands in their crotch and is reprimanded for it, and told not to do those nasty things.
+Most of this is due to society and the needless manufactured complexity of just trying to live everyday life. It’s possible that some could be due to hormonal changes due to chemicals in the environment, hormones in food, inappropriately prescribed medications, etc.
32. What can be changed within society or civilization to make the 'teen' years easier for literally everyone to deal with, preferably with a very deep level of attention and care?
Ans: Again - Kindness, openness, self & body & pleasure acceptance.
--Guidance on the things they will have to do as adults. Adolescence should be a crash course on adulthood. But alas, adolescence is being used to keep children as children. Of course they would be clueless adults. You are expected to know everything nobody taught you, by the age of 18.
----A good start would be to treat them with respect and view them as full human beings, instead of as incapable midgets. Recognise that they have sexual feelings and desires, that they experience the whole emotional spectrum as adults, and they also span the same sexual identity and orientation spectrum, meaning that there can be gay teens, lesbian teens, trans teens, queer teens, and even paedo teens. Allow them their privacy and personal space when they need it, allow them their independence by letting them go places by themselves, and have their own social circle of friends. Give them fully unrestricted access to the internet, and never chastise them for masturbating or watching porn.
=I don't know to what extent but I'm sure society has some part to play.
+Treating teenagers with more general respect, respecting their intelligence, respecting their inalienable rights, and not referring to them and treating them as inferior “minors” (there is that word again!).