I am quite a hermit, and I like being alone. But lately I have started to wonder: what if it is some kind of personality disorder?

I was a hermit in my youth too, when I was 16 - 19 years old, but then that solitude had a lot to do with emotional problems, it is very clear to me.

That eremitism in my youth was not a pleasant thing: I was neurotic (yes, it is still a good word) and inhibited, shy, I was afraid of the opposite sex and the demands that society seemed to make on me: you must study, find a job, become adult, find a woman, etc etc. So I was a dropout, outcast, alienated, very lonely, society was so frightening to me that I had to live alone in our house with my parents and brother. Only when I found alcohol in earnest did I start to seek the company of other people.

But now? I am not a dropout, I am retired. I don't need a job anymore, and you know I don't need or want a woman, I don't feel lonely. I hate all occasions, events**, gatherings, happenings, I just want to be alone. It is almost as if it had something to do with laziness: other people just demand some work from me, if someone visits me I should make sure that my apartment is very clean, and if I must go to meet someone, well... it is work.

But it also has something to do with fear, with the feelings of insufficiency. Even now I know that I would succeed better in some things if I were more active socially... but I am afraid. This things has not changed since my youth.

So, I wonder if eremitism is some kind of personality disorder.

**Not all events, let's take the celebration of the New Year Eve 2000 just as an example: I went to the crowd, but -- alone.