I bought cigs for a hot blond girl of about 15 or 16 today:(

Both my parents died either directly or indirectly of lung cancer. I'm a non-smoker.

So I'm rushing toward the convenience store, and I see these two teen TRAMPS in their dusty canvas Converse hi-tops and hoodies, and I silently scoff at the epidemic-bad-parenting lost cause that they clearly are. As I maneuver to keep 6-feet distance..

"Um, 'scuse me?"

I turn my judgmental gaze to see a really cute set of deep brown eyes outlined by strands of platinum blond hair. Suddenly I hear that old annoying and highly-accommodating, non-threatening voice come out of my throat: "Hey, What's up?"

"Hi, um, can you do me a favor?"

She's already doing those "vulnerable" body language things, but I see her ugly friend inexplicably try to hide behind a tree.

I want to melt from the obvious nature of whatever plan this is, but my hard-earned maturity tells me "It's a total setup by the hot one, stay STRONG!"

I stare into the lusciously deep brown-eyed void of teenage plotting, against targeted adults who might fall for a well-thought-out scheme. I look intentionally not amused.

"Sure... uhh, possibly.."

She fiddles slightly and exhales. Her friend is now peering at me from behind the tree about 10 feet away. Blondie reaches out with a 20-spot.

"Could you buy us a pack of reds?"

I sigh slightly in disappointment. Not only does she not want me to teach her about 1916-D mercury dimes or old-fashioned muscle big-blocks or Mr. Hooper.. this somewhat brazen girl smiling at me with her eyes wants me to get her something that probably killed Mr. & Mrs. Eeyore, Sr.
Not a fun predicament.

And then I space and imagine she has cute feet inside those old canvas Chucks besides. "Argh! Focus." I clear my head. "Don't be a beta pushover pussy!"

So while steeping my green tea, I decide I am going to teach this incredibly supple A-cup (barely!) a harsh lesson. Her cigs will cost around 5 bucks, but I shall keep 10, giving her ONLY 10 back! There.

No, wait! I can be a REAL man and just keep it all and stand there after giving her her cigs, DARING her to either demand her change or just say "thanks" meekly, as I walk off, the confident winner. YES! Let's do THAT! She DOES need a vert hard, non-sexual lesson after all.

In the end, I walk out and see her watching me from a distance, and turn away to fumble with her phone. My heart melts. "ARGH!" I pull out 15 bucks cash and fold it up with her cigs.

"Here you go."

I walk off.

"THANK YOU SOOO MUCH" I hear behind me.

I'm already thinking: "I should have either just said NO to you or requested something gross and nasty in return."

What I actually did was wrong. I didn't look back.

(*Also, my blood-red mouth is from biting my tongue on flame-war-inducing topics GC could not possibly handle lately with regard to moderation. Taint easy!)