the fear is normal

When you're doing something that comes with risk, there will always be some fear tied to it, even if you've buried it inside. Nobody wants to have their life ruined and their freedom taken away. Paranoia can come in cycles, especially when you're dealing with newer pressures on top of old ones, or when you've managed to create a better life that's no longer worth the risk of tossing it all away. Any addiction can and often will come back multiple times before anyone is successful at finally kicking it for good.

Current times are tough for mostly everyone with society being turned on its head. It's important to know it's not just you, and to try to take care of your health, your peace of mind(whatever that requires), and to note what situations bring on the things that weigh you down. For instance, I always tend to drink more when I'm sitting around writing, because I don't notice how much I've had. I've had to find ways to address that so I'm not discovering the next day when it's too late to cut myself off. For most of my issues, forcing myself to go to bed at a decent hour and making that a habit helps. What's that song? Nothing good happens after 2am? Or is it 3? Anyway.. they're all choices. Not that they're easy ones.