Sorry bout ur monolith:/

So as a select few of you know, I've made my way to Utah, thanks to the excellent sluething of my old 4chan brother (I always locked my bedroom door while staying with them). Anywho.. I managed to navigate Zion pretty well, and I stoled some federal petrified something somewhere.. is all a bit of a blurr. But eventually I made it to this remote area. I found this thing to be alien-made for sure, and added my DNA yogurt to it (in case we're blending). I tried to ask Jeremy Corbel to come hang with me and hear my actual black triangle story, but he was too busy wandering around his pad in his silk underwear and floppy black socks, arranging his various facial hair products.

And so after I let my fur-babies poop, it started getting cold, as it often does in remote desert locations.

I plead to my more connected post-Gen-X'ers, but nevertheless-girl-attracted homies.. I swear I was left with nothing else but to get drunk, watching four and a half fucking hours of Rogan interviewing Tom Green, that dumbass who bought some overpriced van to escape into the hinterlands to find peace. What an IDIOT!

So needless to say, I was tired and pretty shitfaced, and somehow as I was trying to leave, I accidentally backed my JayCee into the monolith and quite possibly killed off the secret sequel Space Oddesy publicity plan:/

Hope not. I loved The Shining so much. It would kill me to think I backed into a prop like a remote Guinness Records tree in the desert, but after all, I am little more than a clueless tourist in these parts.

I knew the error of my way, and quickly made my way to a safe place, ate a can of Genova tuna, defiled myself to a newfound perfectly-legal-age girl named Belle Daph.. Er, sorry, forget her name..

..and curled up peacefully on a chilly two-dog-night. Slept like a baby.