It is a struggle, and I try to not lose my cool however hard it seems. I love Sophie so much (that's that I'm going to call her here, Sophie) and I know that anything I would do will end up in disaster and not seeing her ever again. And feeling completely alone adds to the frustration.

I don't have much wisdom, sorry. I have been doing things my way. Due to work I moved around a lot cross borders until I settled here. And even in Europe, the witchhunt is on. My only advice is to stay clear of the children. While I was able to do that, everything worked fine. I was in denial about myself, but that's better than the frustration of falling in love with a little girl again.

Nothing happened of course, and nothing will, but I'm an addict of Sophie's company. I don't want to cause her any harm and never will. She expressed her feelings few times, that I'm all that she'll ever want, that we'll be together for the next 100 years, but she's really still a kid. It doesn't mean anything and even if it did, it's off the table. I'm just lost, in my 20 years of adulthood she is the youngest girl I've been that close to.

Her parents think I'm good influence and get baffled when she listens to what I say ("brush your teeth", "it's time for bed", "clean up your room") and even I don't know why Sophie listens to me. I'm trying to create a friend/parent relationship with her for reasons I don't even understand - it just looks natural. Again I don't try to "groom" her and have no sexual intentions toward her, even though I am in love and my fantasies cross those boundaries.

No wisdom, just rant. And suggesting the worst thing of all - stay away from children. It worked for me, I was feeling better, but you can't stay away forever. I think we were born 100 years too early or 100 years too late.