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Sentimentality as a source of emotional harm

Posted by Leucosticte on Thursday, July 16 2020 at 02:51:05AM

I notice, Finkelhor's model of how child sexual abuse negative effects focuses on traumatic sexualization, betrayal, stigmatization, and powerlessness.

What about feelings of attachment to the older partner, which then results in a feeling of loss if the relationship breaks up? What about feelings of disappointment if the relationship didn't go in the way that she hoped or expected?

That might sometimes fall under "betrayal" or "powerlessness". Ironically, if the state takes away the older partner, putting him in prison for child rape for instance, that could produce that feeling of betrayal (e.g. if the cops lied to the kid to get her to tell on her lover) or powerlessness (if the kid was powerless to prevent the loss of the relationship with the person she had grown attached to, because the state put him in prison).

But anyway. What about situations in which the older partner dumped her? Might that not be a source of feelings of betrayal or powerlessness -- betrayal if he promised not to leave her, and powerlessness to keep him from leaving her?

Or just a feeling of loss, like if he got hit by a bus or something and it wasn't even his fault because it jumped the curb and hit him when he was on the sidewalk. Shit happens; we invest in people and then we lose them sometimes and it sucks because it can be hard to get over. In the case of girls, their youthful years are fleeting and if wasted on guys who are no longer around, they can end up in a bad situation. Maybe they end up old and no longer wanted by anyone.

I guess what I'm getting at is, what about the potential for heartbreak, even if the sex was with the girl's consent? Is that just a case of "too bad, so sad" for those girls who couldn't keep their lover around, or is this a cause for serious concern because of the potential for long-term harm, e.g. because she pair-bonded and now can't pair-bond as closely with anyone else?

In the past, the way this was dealt with was that the man who deflowered her simply was not allowed to leave her; he had to marry her and stay married to her unless she cheated.

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