It is now required for everyone everywhere to do a lame rewrite of The Night Before Christmas for everything (Visit From St. Nic).

I've literally been witness to it about 12 times this year.

I managed to stay inspired for a few minutes and took a whack:

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was posting, not even a louse;
The fappers were hung by their keyboards and stared,
In hopes that new content soon would be there;
The children were asperged alphabetically in their folders,
While visions of instagram fame were laid on their shoulders;
And mamma living vicariously, and dad locked in his man cave,
Had just settled a lawsuit with a former manager who wouldn't behave,
When right on the sheets there came such a splatter,
I sprang from my shorts to ask why all the batter?
Away to windows I flew without flash,
Tor'd open the zip, it was so cash.

..Meh, the rest looked too complicated and I got a headache. Maybe other more talented people could finish it.