Re: Is the reverse also true?

I know you didn't ask what I would personally do, but I will get into that before I answer your question since I have in fact been put in that situation with the first girl I ever fell in love with.

I was either 15 or 16 at the time this happened. You can get some background on the girl on VOA with my introduction post there. I got involved in tutoring her which is another story in and of itself which I wont get into. But one day she came over to my place for tutoring with her eyes puffy and I knew she had been crying. I asked her if she was alright and she she started breathing hard like she was struggling not to cry. I put my hand on her shoulder and told her that it was OK and that she could tell me anything. She started sobbing at that point and said that her father had called her pathetic in front of her mother and her mother said nothing. They had been screaming at each other and when she came in to try to stop them from yelling at each other and they had taken it out on her. I wiped away her tears, told her it was just because tension was high, the parents made a bad mistake, gave her a hug, and sent her home.

A couple of days later I was about to go to bed as it was pretty late, but I decided I wanted to go take a walk outside. I passed by the girls house and there she was sitting on the curb in complete darkness with her head between her knees with shouting going on inside her house. I thought she had just left the house until the shouting was over, but as I got closer I realized she was crying. I sat down next to her and she didn't even know I was there till I said something and she jumped, startled. This time she immediately told me what happened. Her mother had called her stupid. I asked if this had happened before. She started to speak, stopped, then said "yes, many times". She started sobbing again leaning slightly toward me.

I got up and started walking toward the house. She looked at me, now confused. I was almost to the door when realization hit her and she jumped up chasing after me. I opened the door, walked inside, shut it before she could reach it, then locked it. I ignored her frantic shouting and banging on the door and went over to the kitchen where her parents were still yelling at each other.

As I walked in I noticed the huge amount of cutlery hanging right over their heads and almost turned around, but it was too late at that point.

When I walked in her father saw me first, clearly shocked that someone else was in the room and said "Who the hell are you?"

When I spoke I literally almost scared myself with how much venom my voice had when I said "Sit Down".

The man said "I don't know who the hell you are, but you need to get out of MY house right now." Neither one had moved toward the chairs, but remained where they were standing.

I said "Who are YOU to tell your daughter that she is pathetic and stupid?"

The mother slumped into a chair and looked at me in shock. The father looked like he couldn't figure out whether to bodily remove me from the house or not.

Since neither one did anything I continued "Don't you ever take it out on that child again."

I barely noticed that the banging on the door had slowed, and now stopped.

The mother who was already close to tears when I came in the room was now crying. "We didn't mean to, it, it just happened."

"I don't give a f**k what you "meant" to do. You don't ever do what you did."

She was cradling her head between her hands and I could barely hear her get through her quick breathing "Sorry. Oh I'm sorry."

I felt absolutely no sympathy for her. "Don't apologize to me...., your daughter is sitting outside, in the dark, on a cold night, because her parents are incapable of acting like grown-ups when confronted with problems."

The father looked like he was about to get over the shock of what looked like 14-15 year old suddenly coming in his house and telling him off, so I just finished with "You want to see pathetic....., look in the mirror".

I turned around and left and as I opened the door the girl was standing there with a confused/shocked expression. Mouth slightly open, damp streaks running down her puffy eyes. I don't think she heard anything I had said and I never asked. She had stopped crying and as I passed her and started walking home she just stood there as if lost.

When I got home I suddenly realized that I might have charges pressed against me or some kind of action taken. I never did though and as far as I know her parents never called the girl names after that. They divorced very soon after which is why she moved.

So here's my answer. If Abby's happiness and emotional well-being was being threatened by her parents I would go straight to the mother and tell her what I thought about what she was doing to Abby. If the mother refused to let me see Abby again after that then, o well, I tried. If she tells me to mind my own business. Then I would tell her that I would not continue to take care of Abby if she continued what she was doing to her.

So end the end the authority of the parents would rule the day. I also think that while it is entirely likely that no matter what child it is, the parent would remove me from taking care of them. I also think that they would give strong consideration to what I said and likely change the behavior. At least I can hope.

The alternative is to have a collective raising of children which is something I do not want. In my opinion that suppresses individuality and leads to extreme group think and sameness. I would rather some children not have the childhood they should have than the chance of all children not having a good childhood.

The role of the community can still come into play though. Social condemnation, people telling the parents what they think, etc. In the end unless its obvious abuse I would still defer to the parent though.

Look at it this way. Lets say 10% of parents support the child's right to choose their partner and what they do sexually with them. The other 90% disagree. Do you want "the community" to decide as a whole what's best for the child? Because I don't.