For what it's worth...

I hope you get better soon and I can certainly sympathize with mental health issues...in the past my OCD had gone so out of control that I thought the only way to stop the unwanted obsessive thinking was to shoot myself in the head...but it was just a temporary phase and I have never been seriously suicidal.

I don't know how much this advice will help be here goes anyway: if you have a hard time tolerating medication (I for example refuse to take SSRIs or NSRIs) or are not very trusting of MHPs (and I would not blame you) try taking the following:

L-THEANINE

This is an over the counter supplement that helps with stress and improves mood, it also relieves anxiety. It does not make you drowsy or impair cognitive function. It has done wonders for my mental health.

GABBA

This is an over the counter anti-anxiety supplement. It has a stronger anti-anxiety effect that L-THEANINE but from my experience it WILL make you drowsy and perhaps slightly impair cognitive function. I have found that combining L-THEANINE and GABBA to be more effective than Ativan when dealing with severe anxiety/stress spells.

MACA

I don't know if MACA is even marketed as a mental health aid but I have found it to be very helpful. It improves my mood and motivation and I experience less "downer" thoughts when taking it. MACA apparently may be helpful in countering the libido destroying effects of SSRI medication for those of you who are taking them.

Anyway like I said I don't know how helpful you will find my advice and the only other thing I can say is best of luck and please keep posting here.