Really?

I actually have wanted to try X for it's fun effects, but the depression from loss of endorphins when it wears off is what would suck.

All I can say is be careful with it. Don't OD.

Also, you say your Pastor beat you up? Do you mean literally or figuratively? That's really crazy. I told my Pastor, and he was pretty well accepting. I hope things work out for you and your relationships with society and little girls.