nine flies

or seems to - the age of the girl i got into trouble over, and the story most people around here get from me. i'm usually careful to mention that i begin to lose interest around puberty, and if given a chance will expound on why younger girls are so interesting to me.

i really don't think we're hated, at least not by most. my probation officer had her own childhood abuse to deal with, and although i don't think she hated me, i don't think she'll ever understand. i've encountered a few men who did attack, but so far, in every case in fact, there are clear indications of a guilty conscience behind the attack.

i don't know - as i tried to explain in the beginning, i'm just trying to make sense of personal experience.

no, actually that's not true - i'm preaching an agenda, telling people the water is safe, trying to get them to join in and jump, and it's good that you're calling me on it.

probably the best thing i can do, to try and balance what i've been saying, is to point out that the nine year old is now eighteen, and could contact me if she wished, but has never, to my knowledge, shown any interest in doing so.

but none the less, i will contine to stick my neck out, and to report what happens (or not) in the hope that something could be learned from this.