Hi Kevin !
Yoyr prayers have been answered. Well hopefully- he he : )


1. Please write your age and gender (and also your country if you are not based in the United States).

(edited by mojoe),male, (edited by mojoe)

2. How long have you known you are sexually attracted to children?

Since my early childhood. I both fell in love with children my own age and girls younger than myself.


2 Was there a decisive moment when you realised you were sexually attracted to children, or was it a more gradual slow realisation? What events affected your realisation?

At 11, i had a crush on a 6 year old, and she was just great. She was so fun to play with and treated me so nicely. Lets call her “Lisa” When being with her I felt more at ease with myself, felt more childlike and happy (Often felt I had to play older than I felt inside when being with kids my own age) I clearly remember Lisa by her own happy initiative opening their front door one morning, and there she stood completely naked and proudly showed it off to me, and that was the most beautiful sight, ever. : ) I didn`t think my feelings would post a problem in the future, and thus never gave it much thought, especially since I also fell in love with kids my own age.

Things became more clear to me later though, when I at 12 years old started feeling more different than my peers. At that age I hit puberty. When at 12 my body started the changes, I got a crush on an 11 year old girl. Lets call her “Jennifer” . She was not like regular 11 year olds. Jennifer was much more childlike than girls her age, and had the body size and figure of a 7 year old. She dressed and acted like she was much younger than 11.. Jennifer was the love of my life for several years to come. I think when I fell in love with Jennifer, I deared to proclaim my feelings for her since she was in the same age range as myself. Several other girls I had had a crush on previously, whom was much younger than Jennifer, didn`t get my romantic attention, because I was terrified of people getting to know what I felt for those young ones. So they only stayed friends. But with Jennifer I at last could show my feelings in the open. Things went gradually, but puberty set a mark in my sexual life, cause this is the time I started loosing interest in kids my own age. It went slowly, and about age 13-14 my sexual interest was almost exclusively in children from age 3--12 years old. (Today it is from 5-6 years old -12 years old, sometimes dipping into 13,14,and 15)

From puberty (12) to age 14 I could have crushes on girls my own age ,but then they had to look like children. They couldn`t have fully developed breast and hips yet, and their bodies had to be slim. Even though these same-age-crushes occured at times, I felt it more exciting when I had a sexual interest in girls age 5-10 at the time. Young kids didn`t actually look more good than the child-looking girls my own age , but I gues the difference was more in the way the younger girls acted. I just loved their childlike ways and personality much better, and could almost never get enough playing and being with them. At age 16 I understood things couldn`t change when I fell in love with a 5 year old boy. Often when I got the chance, and this is the same today, I was in the presence with children.

4. Who was the first person you told? When did this happen? How did they respond?

I told my Mom that I was pedophile at age 16, a few months after I had seen a tv-show saying people with sexual attraction to children could lead to sexual abuse of them. That tv show made me gradually loose interest in life. My mom dealt with it pretty well and thought I had some psychological issues that I should do something about. She never forced me, but since I started to skip school and stopped being with friends she made me understand that I should get some treatment. 5 years of therapy and change of psychologist 3 times, didn`t make me straight. I was still pedophile. The only thing therapy partly thaught me was that I would never hurt a child, but as they said they never could be sure. What would happen to me when I got much older. They didn`t know, since research said many pedophiles would break the law eventually . But they thought I was one of the least persons to ever treat kids badly. This uncertainty from research terrified me and made many days of my life a living hell of anxieties. Would I become a childabuser when I got much older? In my head I only had nice romantic fantazies of children, but still I was terrified. Society`s norms had a strong grip around my neck, I guess. 7 months ago I finally accepted myself as a pedophile, after accidentally finding Lindsay ashford`s site puellula. I then told my mom for the second time that I was pedophile. She accepted it and told me that she loved me a lot, but used several months to understand it completely.
She couldn`t understand the difference between pedopfiles and childabusers and thus argued with me that I wasn`t pedophile. After some time she understood the difference and and today she is a great supporter of my pedo-sexuality. I am very lucky !!

5. Are there many people you have told among your family and friends?

When I was 17 I also told my aunt and uncle and they didn`t say much other than ask a lot of terrible questions. Within the next year they gradually stopped being friends with me and started to act falsely around me, something which is a fact even today. This has hurt me a great deal during the years, because they were so close to me and loved me so much through childhood. Did this happen cause I myself was greatly ashamed and thought they hated me and maybe they didn`t ? I probably never will know. From age 17-(edited by mojoe) I didn`t tell anyone .

At age 25 I told a friend of mine. She was at that time in her 20`s , a teliophile -whio fell in love with older men. She got treatment for her teliphile sexuality at that time (Never worked out-and she still falls in love with old men, but now with proudness- he he). My friend told me that she dreamt of being a child and thus I saw it as right time to tell her of my deep secret. She understood who I was, and after a few day of thinking and asking she became an even dearer friend of mine. After I started to accept my sexuality completely 7 months ago, I have also told my youngest sibling and my father. They didn`t react badly at all. They said they know exactly who I am and love me a lot. Period. I was amased at their easy reaction : )

Today my mom,dad,friend and youngest sibling accepts,respect and love me and my sexuality. The 4 of them knows that pedophilia is healthy and has nothing to do with childabuse. My aunt and uncle only know the distorted truth, that pedophiles = potentially child abusers. And since they don`t like me I am not going to try to tell them the real truth about pedophila in near future.

I have also been outed as a pedophile by a few previous friends. They think my sexual attraction means that you finally will abuse somebody some day. This has hurt me a lot and given me much anxieties. Once a whole late night party of five people confronted me with my pedophile attraction with much anger towards me. All the anger and looks from people from my age of 15 to my age of (edited by mojoe) today have been a cruiciating terror to me. So many people around me look madly at me when I take a liking to a child nearby, or play happily with kids with lots of energy and high noises , give positivity to kids no one wants to love, or talk about children rights for which they think I am crazy.. Many people would have broken down and been a burden to society. I have not. Many would be angry and have aggression that might hurt kids in the community, I have not. In fact I often react with sorrow, not anger, and the anger I get I channel out by writing, talking , exercising and when doing these things blame the right people-namely certain psychologists, politicians and police. I also tell my self that I have a responsibility of having a healthy and rounded life so I can be a rolemodel and not someone collecting social security.

From age 16 -(edited by mojoe) I have done all I can to change my pedo-sexuality with no luck. You see, I believed the fact that pedophilia was a sickness. And believing so, made me think that it eventually could be cured., just as long as I worked hard enough at it. (edited bu mojoe) hard years-and I didn`t get cured. Why ? It is not a sickness, but a healthy form of sexuality. How do I know so. Well after accepting it, my life has changed much for the better. I am more social, have greater needs of being with adults, and in general month by month get a little more rounded life. I am also no longer periodically obsessed with my sexuality. Another thing that is kinda funny to say the least, is that all the things I learned in therapy suddenly starts working after accepting my pedo-sexuality. That is Funny : ) And maybe the biggest proof of pedophila being healthy. Otherwise the thing I learned in therapy a long time ago would have been applied by me back then and not now so many years later when I finally accept my sexuality…….

When I was in therapy I learned not to suppress my pedo-emotions. (edited by mojoe) But unconsciously I have often suppressed my feelings and often gotten depressed the times my feelings immersed on the surface, and I couldn`t get them to disappear. This often happened when children fell in love with me, and started to take sexual advances towards me. However I have always managed to stop them in time, so things have always stayed legal, and for this I am very proud.

I think experts would be amazed at all sexual advances I have gotten through the years from kids who love me. I remember especially this beautiful 10 year old boy who I was letting listen to some of my music while we were talking. He suddenly asked me to close my eyes, which I did, and then shockingly but happily felt his toungue down my throut softly caressing my mouth. It didn`t last for more than a few seconds bit it felt so much longer. It took me all by surprise and when he romantically asked me to do the same with him I declined unfortunately saying : “ You see, I am not as bad as that. So the answere must be no.” Well, to my defence I was young and didn`t know what to say and at the same time always known the limits and have had too much of a counscience to break the law, even as consensual as it may be. But when sitting there in front of him the boner became obvious so I lied down in the bed face down repeating the great memory in my head, as I suddenly felt his body on top of mine. And there we quietly laid for hours to come feeling eacgother`s bodies on top of eachother. Do you think I then broke any law with him on top of me. NOPE- THAT WAS IT. BUT GREAT IT WAS-MAYBE ESPECIALLY SO BECAUSE IT WAS LEAGAL AND I STOOD BY MY CHOICE OF STAYING LEGAL.. STAYING LEGAL IS IMPORTANT TO MOST PEDOPHILES AND THIS IS PROBABLY SHOWING HOW HEALTHY PEDOPHILES ARE. MANY PEDOPHILES WOULD PROBABLY ALSO REFUSE HIM TO LIE ON TOP OF THEM. WHEN YOU LOOK BACK AT THE STORY OF THE TEN YEAR OLD BOY, HE PROBABLY WOULD BE BETTER OFF IN A WORLD WHERE PEDOPHILIA WAS ACCEPOTED. THEN I COULD GIVE HIM THE FRENCH KISS HE WANTED AND HE WOULD NOT FEEL REJECTED BY SOMEONE HE LOVED INSTEAD OF HIM BEING MAD LATER CAUSE HE FELT SOMEWHAT REJECTED BY ME.


6. Who are the most significant people you would like to tell but haven’t?

I would like to tell my best friend and my other sibling. Hell I would actually like to tell the world, but don`t dear to. It would probably make it impossible to be near children the next 20-30 years or so. And not being able to be around kids would probably kill me.

7. Are there any books or other written material that have been important to you in thinking about your sexuality? (Please list the key ones)

1. An examination of assumed properties of child sexual abuse based on nonclinical samples (Bruce Rind, Bauserman and Tromovitch.)
2. Clash of the media ( Bruce Rind)
3. Gay and bisexual adolescent boys (Bruce Rind)
4. Erotic intelligence ( Pierre F. Walter)
5. Love or laws (Pierre F. Walter)
6. The radical case (Tom o Carol)
7. Puellula (Lindsay Ashford)
8. The problem of Pedophilia (NARTH`S position papers)
9. Self-reported Perceptions and Effects of Sexually Expressed Boyhood. Relationships with Older Males: (an Internet Convenience Sample)
10. Homosexuality: Nature or Nurture (Ryan D. Johnson)
11 BOYS ON THEIR CONTACTS WITH MEN: A STUDY OF SEXUALLY EXPRESSED FRIENDSHIPS. (Theo Sandfort)
12. The Moralist (Rod Downey)
13. www. martijn.org
14. www.ipce.info
15: http://www.just-well.dk./forside.htm
16. Danish pedophile association
17. http://www.takingchildrenseriously.com/
18. http://www.pixyland.org/peterpan/(Being proud of your childlike personality)
19. http://www.evanbailyn.com/
20. http://www.boychat.org/
21. http://nld.puellula.com/Academic.html (Several positive and negative papers conserning pedophilia)



8. Are there any key individuals who have been important to you? (These might be individuals known personally to you, or role-models you know of)

My mom have been helping me a lot during the years and without her I would have taken suicide a long time ago. Lindsay Ashford is also very important. Allhough I don`t know him personally, his ideas and contribution to the pedophile community have given me the confidence I needed to live well with my pedophile sexuality.



9. Thinking about the whole of your time as a person sexually attracted to children, are there any web-sites which have been particularly important to you, positively or negatively?

Puellula (http://puellula.com/Main.html)
Boychat (http://www.boychat.org/)
Pedologoues (http://pedologues.libsyn.org/)
http://www.just-well.dk./forside.htm (A site where some Danish sexologists explain that pedophiles are normal and healthy.)

10. Please list the web-sites which are currently most important to you as a MAA.

-Girlchat (http://www.annabelleigh.net)
-Puellula (http://puellula.com/Main.html)
-Boychat (http://www.boychat.org/)
-Pedologoues (http://pedologues.libsyn.org/)
-http://www.just-well.dk./forside.htm (A site where some Danish sexologists explain that pedophiles are normal and healthy.)




11. Thinking about these sites in particular, please describe what it is about these web-sites which are of most significance to you.

I am often looking for academic texts conserning pedophilia and often look for texts that state new ways of thinking and dealing with the pedophile sexuality. This will help me to write well about the subject in the future. Reading about other people and how they are feeling and are dealing with their sexuality helps me sort things out, and makes me feel I am not completely alone out there as a pedophile..

12. How often do you usually visit these sites? For example, more than once a day, daily, several times a week, at least once a week, several times a month, at least once a month, several times a year, once a year or less?

This goes periodically but on average about 1-2 times a week, : 1-6 hours during those two days a week.

13. Do you yourself ever contribute to these web-sites (eg articles, comments, photos, email discussion, blogs)? In what ways?

Allthough I have known of my pedophile sexuality since the beginning of puberty (For (edited by mojoe)...now) I am only 7 months old in the community, just a baby, he he. So I contribute once in a while if I there is something I feel I know something about. Often I post messages if I need help with sorting out something or have some thoughts conserning pedophilia.
I am eager to discuss if I feel I have something important to say. I have also made my own blog wich is called Pedophile Pride Arena at www.mojoe-.blogspot.com/ But this blog is active only in periods because I have understood that a too much focus on my sexuality creates some frustration and anger towards my situation of hiding my sexuality toward people around me,, all the hatered towards pedophiles, and not being able to love children in a sexual way.



14. If you do contribute, how often would this usually be? For example, more than once a day, daily, several times a week, at least once a week, several times a month, at least once a month, several times a year, once a year or less?

Once every fourth week I feel I have contributed to something really positive in the pedophile community.



15. Would you say that these web-sites have had an impact on how you think about yourself personally? For example, are these sites generally reassuring, irrelevant, welcoming, friendly, boring, supportive or disturbing for you?

Yes, they have helped me to understand how normal and healthy it is to be a pedophile. It is nice and fun to get friends here and to chat with people of different opinions, but sometimes it can be a bit irritating. I guess a lot of people have a need to show off negativity here and there, but these websites are probably the only place many can get out some of their frustrations, so although irritating the shit out of me sometimes I understand and support It/them fully. ! : )

16. In your opinion, would you say that these web-sites form an online MAA community? If so, in what ways?

Yes, defenately. Girlchat and boychat have something they call lifeline, which have helped me when I have been at the bottom of everything. They are like the bestest friend when you need it the most. There`s often support in many ways in our community. It seems like what ever you talk about there`s someone who feels the same. There is also a lot of different opinions and ideas which makes our community healthy, and makes us see things in a greater perspective. Well, at least if we are open to it. Seing things in perspective is in my opinion the best way to look at things more positively, to get better self esteem, and to have more healthy relationships with people and with the world as a whole. If you are looking for something or need something, I think it is possible to get it in this community. And I am not talking about childporn for which I am very much against ! It is fun to contribute to the girlchat community because people seem interested in answereing back, even though I at the time didn`t post anything of great value.



17. If you feel there is an online MAA community, can you give specific examples of how this community has helped you personally?

A few months ago I felt very down cause my child friend had lost some interest in me. It was the child friend I had had the best and closest friendship with, EVER. I was unsure of my feelings and felt furious at our society for making it so hard to communicate sincere with children.. I was terrified it would go 10 years till next time I would get such a great young friend. (To my surprise the relationship started up again after a while and still is up and running) Anyhow, “lifeline” gave me enough help to last a lifetime. At least it felt like that at the time. I got a better perspective on of how children think in cases of a break up, and chatted to other people who had lost their love, and I felt was not alone anymore. I also felt the love of the community and this more than anything made me rise up from the shit after a while.



18. In your own personal experience, which provides most support for you – an online MAA community, or other forms of support? Please describe.

-Lifeline : As i described in 17.
-Puellula : Because I know there is someone out there who actually fight for pedophiles` freedom. This gives me assurance that things will change one day.
-Boy chat : Because they have archives of previous treads about issues I am wondering about or need more information about. I am always on the lookout for information which states how the world look at pedophiles and how they might end up looking at us in the future. And the latter is the most important. To have good arguments and learning more good arguments for the survival of pedophiles is most important to me. This also, because I would like to write short stories about pedophilia in the fuiture. On good days I tell my self that I one day want to take off my mask and reviel myself for everyone. Who knows ? One day it probably will happen. (15-30 years from now) .
-Girlchat : Sounds promising because it seems easy to discuss matters and easy the get response. But girlchat is still pretty new to me, so the future will only tell.




19. Have these sites had an impact on how you think about your sexuality? For example, are these sites generally informative, thought-provoking, inspirational or challenging for you?

All of the above.

20. Have these sites had an impact on how you think about your politics? If so, in what ways?

I have started to understand that even though I have heared both sides of a case and feel this will then be a good argument for pedophilia in the future, I often see that there might be a hundred other different views that complicate the matters imensly and make me think in ways that will be helping my pedophile agenda in the future in a much greater way..

An example : A few days ago someone on the girlchat said that “naked preteens” was the word that was more searched for than “teens naked” and thus concluded that there were many more pedophiles out in our world than previously thought. I also concluded the same, until another chatter said, and I qoute “Many people probably searched for naked preteens to be sure that they got naked teen porn instead of old adult porn. And they were not particurarely interested in child nudity but teen nudity.” My view changed quickly after this-he he.



21. Would you describe yourself as politically active? For example, do you write letters or articles, lobby or make an effort to talk with people about the issue of sexual identity?

No, I haven`t deared to yet. But I will in the future. I want to write books about the subject. Maybe from a child`s point of view.. Making and preserving my blog Pedophile Pride Arena, and tryieng to stay active in the community helps me achieve this goal.



22. Are there other significant ways in which these web-sites have had an impact on your life? If they all closed down tomorrow, would you miss them?

If that would happen I would be very woriied, but wouldn`t give up. Pedophiles have the right to be seen as healthy and have the right to be in legal consensual loving relationships (adult-child) in the future. I will never give up the fight. Knowing 4 people in my real life supports me makes me have a pretty strong backbone.



23. Is there anything that particularly concerns you about these web-sites at this time?

No.



24. If you had one piece of advice to give to someone who was wondering about their sexual attraction to children, what would it be?

I would first off say it is as healthy as loving your mom and dad. Several sexologists says every adult have had some sexual feelings towards children. If not-THEY ARE LIEING !! : ) Know that a childabuser is usually the opposite of a pedophile. Childabusers hate kids, wants to be in control, wants to get out aggression and have no special interest in kids sexually. Pedophiles loves children, want to be on a more equal plane with the child, wants nice things happening to the child and have a predominant sexual interest for children. Also know that a few pedophiles also are straight and like adults and this is also normal.

Be proud of it and know that a part of your attraction is a part of everyone`s attraction. Think about this : All humans have pheromones and bodily smells which attract another human being and which another human being will attract you with, and this have no age of conscent. In theory would every adult meet children that would attract them pheromonically and with bodily smells. That have happened to me several times, and if you look at adults around you, how many times haven`t a grown up found a special immediate liking for one special child amongst a group of children. Why would they have this immediate liking ? Probably many different reasons, ,but one of them might be a chemical attraction. I would also say the thing I said to a frustrated pedophile on girl chat a time ago :

Re: What Can I Do?
Posted by mojoe on Tuesday, August 15 2006 at 03:22:49am
In reply to What Can I Do? posted by Ruro on Monday, August 14 2006 at 08:02:59pm
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Dear Ruro

I`ve felt similar things in the past. And better days will surely come Ruro. A few months after i had accepted my pedophile oriantation i started focusing all too much on my pedo-sexuality and thus felt incredibly depressed. I decided to focus on entirely different parts of my life and for å period began to withdraw more from the childlove community. This "break" helped me a great deal. I started seeing things in a better light and now I am more at ease with myself and feel less shame and worry. Working on my self confidence have also given me somewhat of a boost. There are several good e-books out there to help you with that aspect. The book : "The complete self esteem workbook" by dr. R. Anfield have helped me. Allthough it is not for pedophiles especially, and the dr. might not accept pedophilia, it gave me a lot of positive input. Another thing i found out about myself was that my pedo-sexuality was tangeled up in many asexual needs conserning children. My need to be a mentor, friend and supporter for kids. To share creativity, fantacy, and playfullness. To use my own chillike personality more often. To feel free, and be just as excited, happy and active as i want to, without looks and iiritation from other adults. To give children the freedom and respect taht they don`t get from many other adults. To love them unconditionally. To love those kids who are unloved. To share genuine friendship etc etc. If you try to untangle the different parts of your sexuality, you might find som similar results. I have periods where i join friendships with kids and get a lot of my needs filled, and thus the smaller part which is a pure fysical need, is not as important anymore, since so many other aspects of being with children are met.
Good luck !

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