1. 33, male, USA

2. Since approximately age 12 or 13, when I first started to have sexual thoughts/feelings.

3. I'd say it was a little of both. I knew something was up in 6th grade, as I wasn't attracted to the well-developed girl that the other boys seemed to fawn over. I really liked the petite girl, the one who was still undeveloped. It was in 6th grade that I also started drawing naked girls, always thin, flat-chested and hairless. I would throw them away as soon as I finished them, though, as I knew I'd be punished severely for drawing them. I never masturbated to them then.

By 7th grade [age 13] there were a number of events that made me realize it once and for all. First off, I was still attracted to the flat-chested girl in class, but I also knew that I would be made fun of for that and didn't say anything. I also recall an occasion where I looked up into the eyes of a 7 year old neighbor girl who'd come to visit our house and was flabbergasted; I found her breathetakingly beautiful. Probably the most significant event was my viewing of Poltergeist on TV that year and just falling head over heals in love with Heather O'Rourke. I was extremely hurt when she died in real life--it was like a punch in the stomach when I heard (I was in 9th grade at the time.) Finally, I remember going through my grandma's Cosmopolitan magazines and coming across an article on pedophilia--this was my first real encounter with that term, and I recognized that that's what I was, though at that stage I really thought it was just a phase and I'd eventually outgrow it. Obviously I never did.

4. I told a good friend of mine first. He was largely accepting, as he'd known me quite a long time and understood that I was not a child molester. He did have alot of questions and later he was a bit disturbed by it and we got into a serious debate via e-mail. He still accepts me and has been the one steadfast friend through all the shit I've dealt with since then.

I broke down and told him sometime around my last year of college, when I was extremely depressed, was on the verge of suicide and needed someone to talk to. It was before I became aware of this board.

5. Everyone in my family and all my friends know, and pretty much everyone in my community has become aware of it. Obviously, being that I'm out and had a webpage for awhile, it wasn't too difficult to find out.

6. Well, this question really doesn't apply to me.

7. Hmm, let's see:

Those Cosmo mags, of course. Robert McCammon's books "Swan Song" and "Stinger" had a pretty strong effect on me in hish school--both contain little girl protagonists which I fell in love with. Mostly its been fiction that has shaped my attractions, at least in the early stages. The works of Henry David Thoreau and Ralph Waldo Emerson really got me to thinking about societal hypocrisies and the philosophy of freedom early on, though, and that helped shape my liberal/libertarian social and political views, including those dealing with sex.

8. In part, I will need to answer this question in private. I suppose the usual answers here-my parents have been important in shaping me, for better or worse. My maternal grandma had a very profound affect on me and helping me maintain my sanity as a hypersensitive child. Beyond that, certain little girls have been extremely important to me, and I am only willing to discuss these in private to any degree.

9. Heh, www.annabelleigh.net (a.k.a. Girl Chat) almost goes without saying. Before that, sites with children in art and photography (legal) which led me into the heart of the girl lover subculture, some of which no longer exist. Alessandra's Smile was one of those, and I don't recall the names of the others. They were all connected though.

10. Girl Chat and sites which feature info about the books, art and media in which little girls (and occasionally little boys) feature prominently.

11. Several things. In terms of Girl Chat, it is one of the few places on the web where girl lovers can meet and exchange ideas and fellowship. As for the art and media sites, they're great sources of information and often comforting in recognizing the historical, literary and artistic significance of pedophilia in all its permutations, evident in many artistic works particularly of the late 19th and early 20th centuries. And, of course, being an artist myself and a great admirer of both art and little girls, it is only natural that I'd gravitate toward art featuring children.

12. With GC, more than once a day. I think its safe to say I spend an unhealthy amount of time here. As for the art sites, etc. anywhere from two or three times a week to once a day, depending on my mood.

13. Yes, I do. I post often on GC (though that may chsnge soon), and I haverecently assisted an art site in digging up obscure artists who depict[ed] children in their art. I also had my own site for awhile featuring my little girl art, essays and fiction, as well as some biographical info about me. That is no longer up though.

14. Often--several times a day. As I said, its pretty much an addiction.

15. They used to, but I'd say at this point my pedo personality, as it were, is more or less formed. I am a nonconformist at heart and have never been easily influenced by outside thoughts or ideas, whether they be those of the majority or the minority.

16. To a degree, yes, though I generally feel these days that its more of a facade of a community than a real community. How much of a real community can exist in the virtual world, with very little substance behind it?

17. GC helped me most during my early days here, when I was extremely depressed and needed to belong. But over the course of a couple of years, both myself and the nature of the community have changed. The community has become larger, but also more vapid and less intimate than it used to be. I sense desperation here now where I didn't really before--it seems that the community has gotten much more uncivil, even openly hostile toward one another, and I suspect this has come from the fear of an encroaching genocide and severe persecution on the part of media, gov't and society. I guess its to be expected.

18. Right now, I'd say other forms of support, primarily my real life friendships.

19. Again, I'd say that that GC was useful in the past; its members were quite warm and fraternal when I first joined, but over time the community has become incestuous and cult-like. There is an overwhelming sense of despair, bitterness, contempt and fear at GC now. I think the board is, overall, actually more UNHEALTHY for its members now than healthy and affirming.

20. Yes, I think so, though generally speaking, I have come full circle from what I thought in my early 20s. Early on in my GC membership I supported the legalization of adult-child sex, but I have since changed back to my original position of being against it, which was my position in my early twenties, although I have always supported societal acceptance of us and the right for us to interact with children in nonsexual ways and also to legally possess media dealing with these issues.

21. To a degree, yes, though not as active as I'd like to be. Primarily I discuss these issues on other forums, with relatives and friends, and on my website before it was taken down.

22. Yes, I suppose I would miss them. Certainly the art and media sites, and GC I'd miss for awhile, but I would likely maintain friendships with some of the people off the board. There are some things about GC and some people I wouldn't miss at all, though.

23. Yes. I have already addressed some of my concerns, but I also am concerned that, as so many here grow more desperate, there might be some real life confrontations, possibly even violent ones. I also am concerned about the cultish mentality here--it can suck people in and become highly addictive, as I have learned myself.

24. There is really no good advice at this stage. We are in grave danger for merely existing. Perhaps the best thing you could do is keep your feelings to yourself, but if you need to talk to someone, feel people out and talk to someone you KNOW you can trust, and find a safe, legal outlet for your attractions.