Do you really think this was right, or just an irresistible opportunity to dish out some payback?

I'll admit that the revenge part of it is appealing in it's way, and I'm milking it; however, I would not have made such a decision just to get back at those who slighted me. That is not my way. It just turned out that way unexpectedly. Almost makes me believe in fate (I said ALMOST.) Actually, there are some people I'd consider telling, but we shall see. Believe me or not, I don't much care any more. The more people insult me the less I care. But I suspect that, in a week or so, all of this will be forgotten anyway. I'm getting tired of it, and I'm sure everyone else is as well. Time to move on, in more ways than one.

You stated legitimate concerns about the repercussions if the farcical situation of trying to force StC or some other charity to publicly accept the money continued. Fine. You should’ve held off on taking any actions until a discussion about alternatives had taken place where donators were allowed to have their say. What the hell would’ve been the problem with cashing the cheque and leaving the funds sitting in your bank account until after such a discussion? There was absolutely no need whatsoever to decide on your own what the next move was going to be.

Could've, would've, should've. What's done is done, so all of this is a waste of breath. And I will not be badgered into giving up the info you all want. In the end I'll probably be excommunicated from GC anyway, and people can bitch to their heart's content about how I hijacked the Alice Day funds. Here's the bottom line: Todd complains, feels he has good reason to feel slighted by the community's lack of respect for him after hours upon hours upon hours of posts, heart-to-hearts, artwork and design created, fiction written, pro-active debating with antis outside of GC, and generally risking his neck. Is told to stop whining by many. Todd is presented with an opportunity to not only do what should've been done all along, but realizes he can make a point to this community. Hmmm . . .

You’ve also suddenly discovered misgivings about the self-promoting nature of such a public donation. Partly because of similar misgivings I actually had from the off, I never got involved in this (personally though, if I thought the results of an effort such as this could be beneficial overall then I would have put those misgivings aside, but your mileage my vary). You on the other hand either had no such misgivings to begin with, or you were able to put them aside for whatever reasons; doesn’t matter either way, really. Your change of heart does not make the responsibility you accepted null and void. Your responsibility was to use those funds in a way that the people who donated it wanted it to be used. If you really couldn’t bring yourself to go through with that anymore and have it on your conscience, then you should’ve cashed the cheque and said ‘I have the money back with me but I want out; someday else needs to take it off my hands’. But of course, that’s not what Todd Knows Best (or Todd Doesn’t Care What’s Best But Knows He Can’t Be Stopped) did.

And when MOST of those people who donated decided to treat me like their bitch, then I suddenly stopped caring what they thought I should do. Seems reasonable to me. So, Todd knows what's best AND Todd (for once) cannot be treated like a bitch.

And then we have the clincher. Your self-important admission that this whole thing has been about giving this community the finger; about proving you aren’t a “trained monkey”. Forget the pragmatism of escaping from a losing situation. Forget the principle of avoiding gratuitous self-aggrandisement. Todd wanted to teach the GC cultists a lesson. That this figures in your reasoning at all speaks volumes. It’s about as petty and narcissistic as I’ve seen you act. How dare you abuse a position that you accepted in order to act on behalf of a large body of this community to make such an immature ‘you don’t value me enough’ gesture. This is genuinely shameful behaviour. When I’ve called you on your lack of dignity in this little escapade before, your only reply was basically ‘yeah, but it’s Girl Chat, so it doesn’t matter’. If you weren’t using the trust as real people real as your plaything, it would be funny to watch you denounce us for our immaturity and then proceed to make such a spectacle of yourself. Such is life. When you’ve calmed down from your latest shift in attitudes about activism, sex etc, I can see you re-living this and cringing.

No, this whole thing has NOT been about giving the community the finger. That emerged after the fact. I'll tell you this much--if this community ever wants to do anything this big again, they had better learn to treat each other better and not make casual dismissals when someone feels slighted or hurt, which includes calling me immature when I say I feel I've been insulted and slighted by some in this community.

No, I did what I thought was the right thing, no matter how you'd like to twist it around to appear otherwise--if you're bound and determined to make me into nothing more than a petty, vengeful thug, then so be it. I think the real issue here is that certain people are pissed because they don't like me anyway, and they can't stand the fact that things worked out in the manner that they did.

At least do what H-W suggested, and verify to Lindsay where the funds have gone. He trusted you and got burned, so you owe him the risk of him making public what he tells you. There are perfectly good strategic reasons not to though, plus I don't think he'd stoop as low as you've stooped in this whole charade, and if he says he'll do something I'm sure he'll make every effort to do so. I could be wrong though. It wouldn't be the first time, and I wouldn't be the only bad judge of character.

Yes, ask me to do something and insult me in the same breath--that will convince me. No, trust works both ways. As so many have stopped trusting me, why should I still trust them? No, that money has disappeared into the ether for good reason, some of which have to do with the fact that I am protecting my own ass. I do not trust that everyone here has good intentions toward me now that I'm no longer in the Club, and, while I don't think Lindsay himself would fuck me over, at least not deliberately, loose lips sink ships.

Good evening.