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Coming Out vs. the Toybox

Posted by Dissident on Wednesday, October 29 2014 at 04:57:42AM
In reply to The disposable Pedo posted by Dante on Wednesday, October 29 2014 at 02:44:17AM

This is the way I see things.

I agree with you, Dante, that many MAPs are in no position to be publicly "out" as activists due to many possible personal circumstances, such as (but not necessarily limited to): They have dependents who are underage whom they do not want to risk losing; they have a job that they could easily lose if it was revealed publicly they were a MAP; they happen to have many relatives, or a spouse, etc., whom they know to be particularly abrasive antis, and do not want to lose the love and support of their family.

On the other hand, I agree with Markie to this extent: Those of us who can most afford the risk of being out, should weigh all of their options carefully and consider doing so. If all or most of us are totally faceless individuals, then it's easy for the media and the rest of society to paint us any way they please.

I'm "out" in real life because I see myself as having no good reason not to be, and thus ultimately decided that the risk was worth it: I do not work with kids professionally; I have no dependent minors in my life; and I have chosen to deal with having a life where I understand that I cannot have any minor girls in my life in a platonic fashion. Me being who I am, I've always felt the big picture was more important than the small (i.e., personal) picture, so this decision pretty much works for me. Despite the risks and the drawbacks, I believe I did the right thing, because it's forced many who know me and respect me to see first hand that a MAP doesn't have to be a predatory "creep" who behaves according to media stereotypes.

The main reason I have not, at this time, chosen to "out" myself online during my interactions with the MAP community itself is due to the one concern I believe I need to have: I don't want my family, friends, or employer to be subject to harassment by vigilantes.

My family outside of me has nothing whatsoever to do with the MAP community, and has no particular interest in our situation. Similarly, my employer has nothing to do with the MAP community, and the service he runs has nothing whatsoever to do with minors. Not only that, but I do not want any of my friends and colleagues--most of whom know I'm a GLer--to likewise be harassed by vigilantes for daring to be my friend and having respect for me as a human being.

Granted, the vigilante orgs like Perverted Justice and Absolute Zero do not have the degree of power or influence they wielded during the peak popularity of shows like To Catch a Predator and Dateline, but they've hardly vanished altogether, and they are well known and heavily criticized (and rightly so) by many outside the MAP community for being run by unstable individuals who do not hesitate in the least to justify dubious and outright unethical tactics to expose and hurt not only us, but anyone who may dare show us love, respect, or support.

Also, there is the possibility I may one day become a parent. I have no plans to do so, but one day that may be the case. If that does happen, I will not suddenly abandon the community or "change my tune" as some MAPs and MAP supporters have done who have become parents in the past, because contrary to criticism I've received from others, I do believe that sticking to principles I strongly believe in even when it's not convenient to do so, and doing the right thing rather than the perceived expedient thing, is far more important to the greater good. The cat is already out of the bag with me, so any woman I ever formed a committed relationship with would have to understand this before I even considered having children with her.

So I see it this way: There is a very understandable reason for many MAP activists to stay anonymous; and there are also good reasons for those whose circumstances permit it to consider coming out, either completely or to some degree.



Dissident





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