My guys always could use a good laugh.

In fact, why don't you use your writing talents for stand-up material? I can see it now:

"You know those guys that go out and molest little kids right? If it was up to me I'd have a sex offender rule of my own: molest a kid, public castration. You get Lorena Bobbitt to just go to town on 'em, except that you'd have to cut away all that hanging fat they got from eating pizza and fruity pebbles while watching their cartoon porn of little kids getting raped. Better yet, just strap them on the bombs to when we scorch those other baby rapists, those ISIS guys!"

You'd be a hit : )