Little girls only matter when you yell at them...

It's interesting at little girl sporting events(or any child sporting events for that matter, but I care very little about little boys). Many of the parents don't seem to care about their little girls out on the field, or on the court, or whatever kind of arena the sport played is generally played in. You watch the parents and they'll be screaming and hollering at their kids(or the kids of others) if they do something wrong, and often will fail to praise them just as much when they do something very well. They'll be completely inattentive to the little things, like an untied shoe that will later prove to be the cause of a trip, but then will be upset at the kid when they do trip and fall. When the little one comes asking "mommy, mommy, I need something to drink," the tiny little voice gets tuned out and unheard. I am not mommy, but I heard you little one. Let me get you a drink, if mommy doesn't care enough to take a moment out of her conversation. They often treat the kids of other teams even worse. It's disgusting, and reminds me all too much of why I could never get into little league sports when I was a child. It's not about the kids.

So, in other news, I'm learning little by little more about why my little girl is reluctant to be affectionate. Some of it is very shallow reasoning, at least according to what she said; and while I believe her, I think there is something deeper there. She doesn't like the way I smell(I was unaware that my scent was ever noticeable, but I suppose I probably do get a bit sweaty when playing with a little girl who loves to work me 'till I can't walk), which I can fix quite easily. She claims that I am boring(though no boring than any of her family members who she is all over), and at times I know I can be, though that's usually because I'm obeying her parents' wishes, and sadly having to lean on the responsible adult side of the line, though she definitely is never bored when playing with me, and if she was, she wouldn't always insist on me playing with her. I've got some things that I know she'd find very interesting, so that'll be fixed as well.

But there is definitely something more to it. She very clearly loves me, and it shows so well, but she pretends as though she doesn't like me, and it is quite clear that she is only pretending. I'm trying to figure out why exactly she pretends to not like me. Again, it's when there are other adults around that she tries extra hard to pretend to not like me. None of them buy this false story that she doesn't like me, but I don't think any even realize that there is something more than her just being silly and playing around.

I also think she's been trying to make me jealous. I wouldn't swear to it, but it kind of seems like she intentionally hugs and snuggles with others when she knows I'm watching, just to make me jealous because she knows quite well that I want that. I may just be imagining that, but it occurred to me when she did just that, and gave me this strange look, like she was wondering how it made me feel. She'll give others hugs, then without it even being suggested say she won't hug me. But there's still the past when she was a little more loving towards me, and it makes me wonder what has changed. She's always been reluctant to hug me, but she used to not outright refuse as she does now.

She most definitely loves me(it is very obvious to any observer), but I can't quite crack why she pretends not to. She'll start opening up, she'll want me with her and want to do everything with me, then suddenly she'll snap shut and lock me out without warning.

And on a final, somewhat happy note: I may never get to walk her down the aisle. I may never get to introduce her as my wife. I may never come home to have her greeting me as her husband. But what wonderful fortune that she likes to play house, for I can still hear her call me husband, and I can still call her wife. It may only be pretend, but it warms my heart almost as if it were real. Maybe someday, sweet child. Maybe someday.