Hi Rocinante

I'm sorry, I tried to reply to your post, but technical difficulties seem to have gotten in the way...

It sure sounds like you've gotten yourself a dilemma here...

I'm sorry for the delay in my reply, but every situation is different, and I wanted to give this some time to consider before replying to you.

Ok, so from the sounds of things, you are cuckoo nuts in love with this special girl, Joy. I'm taking it that's not her real name, but it's appropriate enough, as I can imagine that's the feeling that she gives you you're with her, right?

I'm sorry that Joy's parents have taken against you, Rocinante. That's a tough break, but I'm afraid that we all of us have to face up to this possibility when it comes to any relationship with a LG or AG - that's a result of all the BS that's out there about us, in the media and society in general.

Sometimes you might hit lucky, and come across enlightened parents (I know that I have), but unfortunately that's quite rare...

Rocinante, I'm terribly sorry to say this, but I'm rather afraid that your life has now become rather complicated. I know that you didn't ask for that, and that no-one deserves a load of shit just for falling in love, but that's our lot in life, for now at least.

I particularly empathize with you because I have recently had to put a temporary (I hope) stop to a relationship with a LG who is especially dear to me, F.

I haven't posted much about her on this board, because F's parents and I have an agreement about that. But, as it may be helpful to you, F's parents have agreed to an exception.

F and I are very close (or should that be 'were'? I don't know). Just like you, she expressed her love for me. Very luckily for me, her parents knew I was a ped, but took the time to actually get to know me for what I am rather than allow prejudice and bigotry to take over, and in that I was, am, very fortunate, in that the relationship between F and I was not forbidden (provided nothing sexual happened), and I was able to be, encouraged to be, open and honest with them.

But, I still had to stop the relationship, because I was really falling in love with F, and that was unfair to her. Not because of her parents, but because of societal condemnation (or at least, the possibility of that). Just not fair on F, not fair at all, and I wouldn't have her go through that.

Now, all that's an aside, really, and doesn't really matter too much in the whole shabang, but I hope that you understand, how everything can, and often does, have unintended consequences.

We all love our LGs and AGs, Rocinante, and as we love them, we have to, at some point, think about the considerable merits of putting someone else before ourselves.

Dude, this is going to be tough listening for you, I know, and I feel really bad about that, but I have to give the advice you need, not the advice you want.

If Joy's parents don't trust you, there really isn't anything you can do about it. They've decided, it seems, and that really is that. It's the way most people operate, sadly, and I feel that you have been treated shabbily and unkindly there.

But, some things we have to accept...

That Joy's parents don't trust you does not bode well. Now, we could say that they're trying to 'keep their virginal daughter pure', but it's more complicated than that. Believe it or not, parents suffer from peer pressure, too, and they're most likely doing what they consider to be 'right', as defined by their friends and wider society. It's their ignorance that's made this situation...

But, that ignorance isn't going to disappear any time soon, and no amount of talking or explaining on your part is going to change that, I feel.

Now, you could carry on having a relationship with Joy, but it will have to be an illicit one. It will involve meeting up in hidden corners, sometimes at batshit crazy times, all for the sake of sharing snatched moments, at best. And, the heartache of spending most of the time apart, missing each other. It will mean having to always acknowledge the power that her parents have over the both of you - when you meet, it will be at their whim, or because of a moment when their eyes look another way - but watever happens, they will still call the shots - neither you nor Joy will ultimately have any control, but her parents will, always.

And then you'll always run the risk of getting caught. And you will be. Doesn't matter how smart you are about stuff, no-one can ever manage to factor in random chance.

Look, I feel that you ought to consider yourself right now, and Joy. It's all too easy to get caught up in the moment, but you need to look at the bigger picture, too. Please remember just how close you are to the painting right now - it could be that, through no fault of your own, you just can't see what the painting says to you, just right now.

There are paths that, once walked on, you just can't get off. Be very wary of those paths, my friend, and avoid them where you can.

I'm not sure that it would be in your best interests, or Joy's, for you to pursue this relationship. I know that hurts, believe me, but it's better a bit of pain now, than even more pain, and likely a big dose of trouble to boot, later on.

I know that this isn't what you really wanted to hear, Rocinante, but I think that a very wise person I know summed it up quite well:

"This is the wrong time period with laws that will hurt both of you if the two of you became involved in that way, so you have no other choice. They may say that love conquers all, and in the end it usually does, but the law can throw a major monkey wrench in the situation that can hurt you both despite any degree of love you may have for each other."

I think that's worth thinking on.

I think that if you and Joy want to be friends, you should be friends. In a saner society, you would be allowed to be more than that. But I'm not convinced that this is a good option for either you or Joy, and I can see Joy's parents making things very difficult, if I'm to be honest.

What you do and where you go with this from this moment on is entirely up to you, but remember that you will always find support and guidance here. I hope you feel that this is your home - please keep us updated, and please do come to us if you ever need anything, even if it's just to vent. We'll be here for you, pal.

Your friend,

Tril.