Re: God spoke to me

"I think that side of me has something to do with the fact that because of all my rebellions against a strict religious upbringing, somewhere deep inside of me I sort of expect for things in my life to get bad - almost as if I think I have escaped something I shouldn't have been able to escape. That good'ol "fear-god upbringin" sure can fuck a head up."

I also find myself thinking in old patterns that my rational side has long since abandoned. It is difficult to overcome one's upbringing, and I think many of us understand where you are coming from.

"In order to get rid of this guilty conscience, what should I do? Should I find every person I can who I wronged and apologize? Or should I take the less dramatic route and just cut down even more on my needling?"

The best thing you can do to make up for the past is to become a new and better person, mindful of the welfare of others. If you do, then any past suffering you caused will have achieved its purpose; if not, any such suffering will have been in vain.

I would not be concerned about tracking down people to apologize, unless your conduct was especially harmful to them. Most people recognize that we all do stupid things when we are young, and we eventually grow up.

As for your "needling" - either eliminate it or change it into a sense of humor that others will appreciate. Lots of people enjoy a little teasing, as long as it does not get too personal or out of hand. Learn to pick up on people's reactions and act accordingly, but if you cannot figure this out it would be better to cut it out entirely. All the same, don't expect 100% accuracy - even the best comedians tell jokes no one laughs at - it's just that they tell them only once.

Keep a healthy sense of your own shortcomings, and be ready to forgive the shortcomings of others.

You should do fine.