Re: There is more to our lives than loving girls

In a society like this, with the level of hostility that it currently has for GLers, some of us need to face the fact that we may not be able to have girls in our lives at all. We cannot let our love for girls grow into an obession that we absolutely need to have girls in our life in order to be complete, functioning human beings. I see too many people in this community who absolutely cannot live without girls, and act as if their GL is the most important aspect of their lives, the thing that defines them above all others, as if none of the other facets of their life take equal precedence. No one here denies the importance of this one particular facet, but we need to put effort into building these other facets of our lives into something we can be proud of, otherwise we are constantly going to be unhappy and unfulfilled.

I have had long stretches in which I had almost no contact with girls at all. I can do it, but my life is far more meaningful to me when I do have a girl in my life. And more importantly, there are girls who need me too, I think. My current little girl is a case in point. Her dad is a selfish asshole who has little to do with her and her mother loves her but has little time or patience for her. I am one of the few people in her life who loves to spend time with her. She truly benefits from my presence in her life; she's a lot happier when I'm around. And that makes me feel far more fulfilled than pursuing some lost cause (as I see it), no matter how noble the cause may be. I have a real measurable impact on this girl's life. I cannot say the same thing about my pro-contact activism when I was in that camp. I don't think it made a damn bit of difference on anyone except those already willing to believe it.

To me, the height of selfishness would be to put having girls in my life before my activism, my writing, and all the other things that combine to define me as a human being. As a hebephile who is out in real life, I have no choice but to make peace with the fact that I am not going to have young adolescent girls in my life to love. I survive despite this fact because my GL is only one facet of my being, and not the one that defines me the most. My desire to create a better world for all humanity is very important to me, and I can no easier give that up in exchange for the hope of one teen girl loving me than I can to give up any other powerful force that drives me as a human being.

It's a balancing act, but you have to put what's actually accomplishable vs. your pie-in-the-sky vision of a better world.

The world needs people who do not believe that improving the world in any way, shape, or form is a mere pipe dream; social progress would never occur if everyone simply accepted things the way they are today and didn't believe in their fellow human enough to strive for both personal and collective improvement....

I agree, but unfortunately I see it the way I see it, and I cannot see it any other way. Trying to force myself to see it otherwise would be like trying to force myself to have faith in a God I don't believe in.

I believe that as GLers, we need to take into account that we are capable of dealing with anything society throws at us, and we can function with the limits that society currently imposes on us. To me, GC is every bit as important to me as girls are, because the friendships I have formed here, and the support I received, and the understanding I have been given, mean everything in the world for me. I will never say something like, "This aspect of my life...or that aspect of my life...or this community...or my writing...or anything else...could all go hang if only I can have a girl in my life to love." I won't say something like that ever because despite being a GLer my life isn't entirely defined by whether or not I can have girls in my life.

I think we need to take into account that we're all individuals and we all have different physical, mental and emotional needs. There are some things I would never do in the name of loving a girl. I would never reveal the identities of anyone here for any reason, other than if I knew for a fact one of you was doing something truly abusive and harmful. That would be the only circumstance under which I would give up your identities. I'll probably never give up some form of activism entirely, and I haven't given up GC, obviously. But I would if I had to, if it came down to the girl or GC. The girl is more important to me. You see that as selfish; I can't understand placing the girl you love above everything else as selfish. It's just how it is.