Re: Question: What Would You Do for Love?

Okay, I got a few minutes yet.

There are different ways in which one can find fulfillment and love, even when we are deprived of being able to find these things with those we would desire to have them with the most.

Agreed, but to me a girl lover is someone who loves girls. That is the most important aspect of being a girl lover. Why call yourself a girl lover if you can't do that? Nothing else will compare. And I'm an exclusive ped, which makes the contrasts all the sharper.

Personally, I would never give up my political activism because of the possibility of having a teen girl to love me. My activism and efforts to do my meager little part to improve the world are just too important to me, and it has ramifications that go the crux of the problems we face in society. My political activism is an example of me doing my part to improve the world so that future generations of adults and girls (and boys) need not endure the same hardships in order to find love with each other as is the case today. In my personal opinion, it would be extremely selfish of me to abandon my fight for a better world and give up my focus on the big picture in favor of my simply attempting to feather my own personal little nest with one or more teen girls to love.

That's fine for you, but it would never work for me. I do my part by loving the girls in my life, doing well by them, and in doing other stuff. I have not given up activism entirely, or I would not be at DU preaching for acceptance. But it is a fine balance. And again, it isn't the same for you because a) teens are very nearly adults and b) you're not an exclusive. You can substitute a teen with a young adult and that will work for you. But it would never work for me. I've tried it. Only I don't really care about the sex part. I care about the relationship part, the love, and that is not only attainable, it is already there for me.

As a hebephile, I have resigned myself to finding love with girls who are in the age range of 18-early 20s, and I presently have a 19 year old girlfriend. I have found that I do not have to give up a single thing that is important to me, including my political activism, in order to have the love of this girl.

Yes. As I said, your situation is significantly different from mine and other exclusive peds like me.

If a certain aspect of your life is important to you, you shouldn't be expected to give it up by anyone who truly loved you.

That may be, but reality is far more complicated than that, especially when it comes to an issue like this. People are afraid and no matter how much they may care about you, they can't just switch that emotion off like a spigot.

Also speaking for myself, I would never feel the need to lie to society about my attractions in order to accomplish anything or to gain some advantage, because I feel that deceit of that sort is both undesirable and unnecessary. Hence, I would never claim that I was "cured" of my hebephilia in order to gain the opportunity to be around teen girls.

I do not claim to be cured either. That's one point where I agree. I don't think this is a disease. At one point I tried to convince myself that it was, but I was never thoroughly convinced and now I do not accept that position. If I discuss it at all with anyone, it is as a full-fledged sexual orientation, not as a pathology or a fetish or anything else. People for the most part do seem to agree with me on that one, because they can see that all my life, from childhood on, I have never really dated, or when I did it didn't work. They also know I have always loved spending time with little girls. This was not something that cropped up later out of desperation or anything like that. It's who I've always been.

I also do not regret being out of the closet in real life, because in my eyes, it's making an important statement both for myself and the community, and also providing me with opportunities to prove to society that it's very possible for an MAA to be a decent person, a good friend, and to love and care about his/her fellow human.

No offense, but there is a vast difference in the eyes of society from someone who dates adults but finds teens attractive (probably the majority of society) and someone strictly attracted to prepubescent children and young teens. Publicly many people may condemn your attractions because of stigma, but privately many people will agree with you. Many people have agreed with me when I've remarked that this teen girl or that one is attractive. But there's very little overlap in my attraction base and the average hetero male's. You straddle the line pretty well. If you don't believe me, tell the same people you confess your teen attraction to that you're also attracted to 5-year-olds, just as an experiment, and see how they react to you. I guarantee it will be much different from how they react to your teen attractions.

IMO, there is no better way for us to currently prove our basic humanity and our common decency to society.

I disagree. Society currently does not see this issue anything like you do. They aren't going to take your pro-contact views as common decency; they will view it as I presented it in an earlier thread: you just want to fuck underage girls. That may be wrong in most cases, but that's how they see it. You only reinforce their views when you call for age of consent laws to be dropped. In my estimation it is far better for us to prove we love the girls in our loves, and to demonstrate that so that society can actually see we are devoted to them even without the sex. That is what love is--you make sacrifices for those you love. It may not be fair, but everyone in the world has to make some sacrifices to be with the ones they love. That is especially true for us, in this time period.

So I don't think you should ever regret being out, no matter what sacrifices you have had to make because of it.

That's easy for you to say. I don't see your name and face on PJ's wikisposure site.

I would never want to go back into the closet, abandon my activism, or claim I was no longer a hebephile just so I could gain opportunities to have teen girls in my life. Sacrifices often have to be made in life for what we perceive to be the greater good, and speaking for myself, I would rather make a sacrifice to benefit the greater good than simply for my personal good. I have made my peace with the fact that I can never have a 14 year old girl as a girlfriend, and I have found myself able to appreciate the fact that I can have a wonderful 19 year old girl as my significant other. It's not ideal, but it is love, and she accepts every part of me, including my hebephilia and my political activism.

Like I said, you giving up access to teen girls doesn't mean you have to a) give up sex entirely or b) give up being friends with teens. I know teen girls; if they want to do something, like come visit you, they'll find a way. Little girls are on a much tighter leash. They can't just be dropped off at the mall and call you up to come visit them. It's a far more tricky endeavor to be friends with little girls. You get the parent or parents along with, which I don't mind, but I am mostly their for the girl. That's why I'm there. I'm happy you have a nice substitute, but I can't do that. I could never make an adult relationship work. There is just no attraction there at all, or very little.

Also, do you suppose I didn't weigh the greater good against my selfish needs? Of course I did. But in the end I concluded that I was of far more use to the girls in my life then I'd ever be as an activist, particularly for an issue of which I am reticent at best and that I think is pretty much a lost cause. I'm sorry, but I do not want to spend my life, such as it is, jousting at windmills, no matter how valid I or anyone else may think the cause is.