GirlChat #504285

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Re: Wow!

Posted by Lateralus on 2010-June-14 22:05:33 EDT, Monday
In reply to Wow! posted by Trillion on 2010-June-14 21:02:57 EDT, Monday
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You actually ask quite a hard question there, one which, as you say, does need some considerable time and thought...

Yes, and now you have some idea of the dilemma with which I have struggled over the past few years, though really it is scratching the surface.

There is a bigger picture, as it were, that has to be taken into consideration.

Of course, but . . .

If I considered GC as purely a place to get support, it would be tough for me to give up. But, I could. However, I don't see GC that way - to me, it's a place where I can reach out to others and offer them my support, and try to give them what they need, even if I fail miserably sometimes.

That would be harder for me to give up, because others may rely on me. I would look at it as a responsibility to be there for them.

Would I claim to be 'cured'? No, no way would I do that, firstly because I'm never going to sell you guys out, secondly because I don't like lying, and thirdly because I'd either have to make my lgf lie if I told her the truth, or I'd have to lie to her about it - 2 things that just wouldn't happen on my watch. Just not right, imo.

And if my political campaigning was making a difference for others, I would find it hard to equate my happiness with letting those others down, as well. I don't want my happiness to be bought with the suffering of anyone else, wherever they might be. That's no happiness at all.

See, here's where I begin to fail to sympathize with this argument. To me the whole reason we are here is because of our love of young girls. It is a thing which defines our existence enough to draw us to GC in the first place. It existed in me long before I ever discovered GC and it will exist in me if I ever decided to leave GC for good. I understand sympathizing with my fellow GLers; I've done a great deal for GC in the past in the name of fraternity and my appreciation for the existence of GC. But ultimately, when it comes down to it and as important as GC is, the girls are more important to me than GC ever will be, and that's what defines me as a girl lover as opposed to a girl liker--I like you guys, but I love the little girls in my life and am willing to make sacrifices on their behalf. To extent it is selfish of me to want to be with them, but it's no selfish for all of you to want to be here. And vice versa: my self-sacrifices can be seen to have benefitted the girls in my life, since in some cases at least the girls' lives are markedly improved by my presence in them.

I ask this board, what does it really mean to be a girl lover in a world that is actively hostile to the very notion? And what are these pipe dreams we call sexual equality, minor's rights, etc. when taken against the flesh and blood of a real, living, breathing girl? In that respect, placing your activism above your girl doesn't just sound cold; it sounds perverse and appears to give lie to this moniker of 'girl lover' so many of us have adopted. I am a man who constantly struggles with my own conscience, with what it means to be a good person in the backdrop of a society that sees little difference between me and a child rapist and murderer, and that often finds little moral dilemma in the notion that we should all be put down like dogs. There are times when I want to say 'Fuck it' and do what I like, what is expected of me, just because I recognize that this life is all we have and we must milk it of whatever pleasure we can. But those those thoughts are few and fleeting, and in the end what has saved me from a life of crime isn't my activism, or GC, or my fellow GLers. It is the girls themselves. They came first, and they will come first as long as I live.

Meanwhile, there is a balance, I think, and I have struck it pretty carefully and, thus far, successfully. It's not that I'm really pro-contact pretending to be anti-contact. I am really on the fence on that one, and I tend to err on the side of caution. That makes a traitor in some people's eyes, but so be it. Nevertheless, it was a consideration when I weighed it up to the prospect of forever losing contact with the few girls I do have in my life. You can call that selling out if you like, but to me it is reducing myself to the essential aspect of what makes me me and concentrating on doing that right.


Lateralus

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