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I wish I could go mad

Posted by LOD on 2010-June-14 05:27:37 EDT, Monday
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Do you ever have those moments when suddenly nothing makes sense anymore? When for a moment you no longer take reality for granted, the very fact that anything like this world could even be possible seems absurd and confounding. What strange twilight zone I have entered. I wonder if this is all a dream but if so what is reality?

I know science will tell me everything makes sense, that there's a perfectly good explanation for all of it. But no it doesn't even if science says it does. I can make sense of the things I observe, but I can't make sense of the fact that I'm observing any of it.

There's a yearning inside of me to just let go of the day to day routine I've imprisoned myself into and let my mind drift into chaos. I want to lose my mind completely until I'm utterly mad, I've been trying hard to break free of my sanity, of this orderly life. I hate order, I want chaos. Chaos is freedom, order is imprisonment.

I want anarchy.

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