Hi all,

It's been a long time since I've posted here, and some of you may not know me, but I used to be a moderator on GC. I've checked posts here every now and then, but it usually hurt too bad to even visit here, as I've been so alone for so long. Professionally, my life can't be any better, but it's been a long dry spell for me.

Two weeks ago, I walked into a local gym, and the most beautiful 11yo blond over blue girl I've ever seen ran over to me. "I remember you", she said. I had spoken to a group she was in a while back as part of my job a few years ago. I remember having a naughty dream about her back then. LOL

In the past two weeks, I've seen her six times - including swimming twice with her mom's permission. I'm still amazed I didn't faint at the sight of her in that bikini.

She damn near followed me into a private changing room at the pool. She wound up using the stall next door. I'm still kicking myself for asking her if she wanted to go first or not. However, it was just too risky to chance it. If a lifeguard walked by...

The past two weeks have been an eternity. I absolutely love my job, but I've barely been able to work. I just sit there remembering wonderful moments, planning for the next visit, or worrying senselessly about not receiving an e-mail from her mom. I think - no - I know I'm in love. I've never been this lovesick in my life.

She's drawn and painted my name for me, and we have a lot of things in common. Last week, I worried if she loved me - now I have no doubt - and I've never loved ANYONE this much, except for my soulmate girl neighbor who moved away when I was ten. Ironically, this girl looks a lot like her, and I realized last night for certain that I'm a GLer because I'm still searching for the love I lost at 10 yo. I had always seen that as one of the causes, but never seen it as the main reason.

I've been burned so often since 2001 though, that I keep waiting for the other shoe to fall. I'm a worrier and a planner, and I just keep thinking about all the stuff that could go wrong while realizing this tightrope is so damn narrow. Right now, I'm feeling a little better, and am trying to trust that "our love" will get us through.

A few nights ago, though, I emotionally collapsed because I hadn't heard back from my first e-mail to her mother. During that state of depression, I did have one hilarious thought to share: What would happen if all the male GLers in the world had a sex change operation in the next few years? I wonder how the world would respond...

Anyway, I'll keep you posted as things develop (thank God she hasn't "developed" yet - LOL) and I'll try to be around more, although I've promised that in recent years and haven't followed through.

If anyone has suggestions on how I can get my work done daily, I'd really appreciate it. I'd gladly leave everything behind and go through Hell and back daily just to see her at the gym for five minutes. I've just never been this lovesick before...

It's a good problem to have. :) Thanks again to all of you who have been my friends since GC started. Was it 99 or 2000?

Guardian