So, I was reading the newspaper and read this long report about what my city's teens are about. I can't hide my jealousy, both at the lucky guys that don't have a clue how lucky they are, and at the reporter to have listened to all these secrets, although the reporter predictably only chose to take the most shocking and outraged side to it.
I am transcribing everything because I am not going to link, ok? Well, I haven't even checked if it's online, but I won't. All geographic details omitted, too, and [bracketed].
[Section's first page:]
Do you remember your hard partying as a teen? You'd better. You're about to read what today's minors are up to when their parents aren't home. If you are about to say your own are well raised, think it twice.
[The article:]
Teen Sex Parties
Don't say "growing up too fast"
This are the secret sex lives of [my city's] teenagers. This is a world that some parents will only forbid or deny. This is a report on lack of communication.
Note: Your reporter attended the party described herein and spoke in person to the minors and parents mentioned in the text. There are taped records of all the conversations. However, given the sensitive nature of the subject, all names have been changed.
"On Friday the party is at Robbie's, her folks are abroad, we can do anything we want!" So Michelle told her friends during recess at M. High School.
She had been setting the party up with her best friend Roberta for a week. The guests would be people from "everywhere"; meaning some of the best-known high schools and junior colleges in the city. Some of them, we could mention, religious schools. There was a strict standard for admission, though: only "open minded" people.
Friday came, and what would seem to be a normal party with children aged 14 to 17 in a house located in [residential area] is an orgy by half past midnight. The pop hits can be heard almost a block away. After ringing the bell for almost 10 minutes, a boy aged about 17 opens.
"There's booze in the kitchen. There's nothing to eat left. In that room they're smoking pot. There's some pills too. There are rubbers in a jar in the living room and in the bathroom too. Have fun" was the welcome message.
He is Alex, also known as "Curls", high school senior, and wants to become a lawyer. In a hand he has a cigarette and a beer; in the other he is taking by the arm a girl who looks much younger than him. He says he just met her. He kisses her and proceeds to take out her blouse, no matter who sees them. Then they have sex in the backyard.
"I'm next, pal!" says Howard, one of his classmates, dressed in a brand sweatshirt. Twenty minutes later, he would demand his turn.
The girl is Marian, ninth grader, 15 years old. She says she doesn't mind to "roll over": "They're hot and I have a good time" she explains as she walks to the bathroom for a condom. "Besides I always take care, so there's no risk."
In the way to the bathroom, there's three other couples having sex: one on the couch, one next to the door and one on the floor. There are about 50 people at the party. It is a big house, furnished in minimalist style. A few Van Gogh imitations are hanging on the walls.
In the middle of the living room the hosts, Michelle and Roberta, are having fun. They are in a contest with other three youngsters to see who drinks most tequila. Beside the large bottle there's a photograph of Robbie's family in a skiing trip. Michelle is wearing jeans and a green tube top that shows her navel piercing. She had her hair straightened and excess makeup "so as not to look sixteen".
"If you don't drink it all, you kiss Robbie" says the boy who is taking her by the waist. Then she lets go of him and with both hands she takes her friend's face, kisses her long and hard and grabs her butt. There's cheers and whistles. Robbie claps when they unlock: "I love to see how they get when they see us like this."
After that, John, the boy that was with Michelle, invites them to climb up to a room. The party goes upstairs, where they'd make a threesome. It isn't the first time for the girls. "It was with John the first time" confirms Robbie "...but we've had better partners". They don't think of themselves as lesbians, not even bisexuals: "We only experiment. We don't have to define ourselves that way for that. After all, we like men."
They comment their group of friends is small. Many of their schoolmates don't accept them for partying so much and having a new boyfriend every week. "They're nobodies" says Michelle, while puffing on a joint. "Everyone does it. They just don't accept it and pretend to be shocked. We're sincere and don't care what others say." They are with Sandra and Denise, 15 and 16 each. The four of them are high school sophomores and know each other since daycare. Denise says she isn't allowed to go out much, as her parents are very religious. Therefore, she profits from the times she's allowed to go to party. She confesses she's done "everything": oral, anal, threesomes, swingers, but today she only feels like watching. She goes upstairs looking for Michelle and Robbie and stays for just watching how they have sex with John. Meanwhile, in the downstairs bathroom, Sandra performs oral sex on her boyfriend.
Soon the party is over. An exhausted Robbie smiles. She has braces on her teeth.
BAD INFLUENCE
Paula Brady, 38, PR executive, couldn't believe the stories of sex and drugs at the parties which her daughter, Francine, 15, was attending.
"I have a friend who is one year older than me and she is dating a guy who is 25!" her daughter told her, obviously shocked. "In a party I saw him taking coke. He started pushing my friend to do things she didn't want. I was very scared, because they were older, very into drugs and you never know what can happen."
She also told her in detail that another classmate had got drunk in a party and had sex with two men at the same time. "She's the same age as Fran!" says Paula. "For her to be with two guys it's because she was drunk, drugged, or because she has psychological problems."
Fran was in junior high. She got along with the most popular girls in her school, and constantly attended parties at houses where she could consume alcohol unrestricted. Usually there were no responsible parents.
Before finding out, Paula had thought it was no big deal. Then she took the decision to change her daughter's school. "When Fran entered junior high, I was shocked at the precociousness of the girls. Not only about sex, but also drugs and cigarettes. I was surprised by the sexual part. Not only the young sex, but different partners every day. It's partying and making out with anyone on a couch!"
With her very red lips, green eyes, fair skin, curly brown hair and 5ft6, Francine passes for 18. She doesn't smoke. She doesn't take drugs. She drinks socially. She doesn't have a boyfriend. She likes to go out but doesn't consider herself a party animal. She claims to be virgin. "I don't believe in sex until after marriage. I know it's outdated but I do think that when I have sex it has to be with someone who respects me. Now I'm only little, emotionally and psychologically, and yeah I've done some 'things' but I still don't want to have sex." For months, mother and daughter argued constantly. Francine didn't want to leave the school she had attended for so long. But the mother wasn't recanting. When the youngster recalls her old school, she admits she sought a lot to "fit in": "When you enter into a group of friends, you do anything to be with them". She considers herself fortunate not to have entered "the big leagues" like the rest of her classmates; girls who, in her opinion, were neglected by their parents. "I had a friend who stayed over on Friday and she could stay until Sunday without her parents calling to see how she was."
THE BOYS' VIEW
"To me it's a priority that my girlfriend is virgin and that her first time is with me. I wouldn't date someone who has had partners before me." So says Dan at [restaurant]. He is 17 and a high school junior. He is thin, blond and wears glasses. He explains that in her school "there are all types of girls": the "difficult", the "uptight", the "easygoing", the "crazy", the "ugly", and "the ones nobody cares". His ideal girl must "be hard to get" and not accept to date him right away. She must be hot, fun, and not go out too much. His girlfriend is 15 and attends the same school as him. "She's one of the most popular and all the guys want to score with her". They've been dating for eight months and recently had sex for the first time. However, Dan accepts he isn't faithful and can't be only with her. "Jackie is the girl who is there, my girlfriend for real and the one I introduce to my family, but I do have sex with more girls at parties or clubs and stuff, no way only with her."
Michelle and her friends are the type of girls that Dan and his friends like "for parties". Her group is socially accepted but they aren't the most popular. Some boys at the school consider them "easy girls".
John, Michelle's "boyfriend" this weekend, is 16 and not a virgin since 13. After high school he wants to work in marketing. He is convinced that women are only for having sex, because so "Dad taught me". His father cheated on his mother at least three times, from which he has two half brothers. His parents are divorced since he was four.
According to him, he uses his good looks to "fuck in all the parties" and has never got a no for an answer. At least three times his one night stands have turned out into a pregnancy. "If they agree to fuck it's their problem. I don't promise them anything. I don't have the age to be a father and that's why I use a condom. It's their problem if it breaks or if something happens."
[The F word appeared as "f..." in the paper]
Family therapist Lisa Tilly shows surprise at some of the testimonials and facts collected for this report. At least among her young patients she has never found any that has group sex as common practice. However, she admits that among teenagers, sex has become a shallow practice. "They don't care if they just knew each other, or the diseases. Teenagers are just surrounded of alcohol and marijuana and don't care about the consequences."
VIRGIN LANDS
"I'm never going to have sex" says Rachel, 17, high school junior. "I'm going to marry and only have sex with my husband to have children. If I have sex before marrying, nobody will want to marry me."
It's Friday evening. After having a coffee with her friends at Starbucks [location specified], Rachel walks home a few blocks away. Only her older brother is home, watching tv. Their parents are at work: he is an architect and she is a lawyer. Rachel isn't allowed to attend a classmate's party because last weekend she attended two parties. In her room's wall, painted pink, she has photographs with two of her best friends and one of her dog. She tells us that none of her friends are still virgin.
"When I was 15, I almost have sex with a boy at a party. I was very drunk and we did lots of stuff, even oral sex. I didn't know him and he was older than me and I think he took advantage of me. When I woke up the next day, I was half-naked in the bathroom of the party's house. My friends had gone already. It was traumatic."
She decided never more to have sex. She wouldn't even make out with Sam, her current boyfriend, whom she has been dating for four months. Their relation is limited to literally holding hands. But he is ok with that.
Her parents talk to her about sex openly. They constantly ask her to always take care and at not time there's any restriction about it. "They don't have to talk to me about that again. I don't want to have sex. I am very sure and nobody is going to convince me otherwise."
There is also Sandra's opinion. At the party described above, she was in the bathroom, with her boyfriend. She is 17 and virgin. She wants to keep that way until she falls in love. But in the meantime, she has done other things. "Furthest I've gone is getting naked with my boyfriend and have anal sex. It's something we did recently, and he likes it." At parties she's also kissed with her female friends, but "it's a game". Her boyfriend, Tony, who studies the second year of university, has no problem with her virginity as long as she accepts to have sex in the future. Sandra promised him that they'd have intercourse when they reach six months together. "She's very hot and I love her very much, so I can wait, besides, I don't think it will take long for us to do it."
The 19 year old boy was also Michelle's boyfriend. He did have sex with her, but among friends they see no problem in sharing. "She can have him" says Michelle one afternoon at her [area] home. "I don't like him now because he's getting spots."
MYTHS OF HONOR
Virginity is a trophy for many girls who attend religious schools. So says therapist Michael Lester. He considers that the raising that teens have in their families can help determine their views on sexuality. However, he warns: the environment where they interact and their friends are the greater influence.
Valery is a 17 years old, blue-eyed girl. She dropped out of I. High School. To the disappointment of her parents and two brothers, she is not a virgin. She had sex for the first time last year with her boyfriend Chad. "It was very nice. We were in love and there was nobody at his place, so we were alone. He bought me flowers and I felt very safe with him" she recalls sadly. The emotion, and the sexual activity, lasted for three weeks. Her mother eavesdropped her on the phone with her best friend, talking about how to take care when she had sex, and then it was over. She said nothing at first, but the next day she called Chad. She summoned him to her house and threatened to press charges for statutory rape, as Chad was 18 already by then. He had to stop seeing Valery. She, after being scolded, was sent to [another city], to another school affiliated with the same religious group. It was her parents' decision. They belong to [fundamentalist Catholic group], according to their internet page, "a movement of leadership and preaching in which every member has decided to responsibly take on the great missionary mandate Jesus Christ has given."
A year later, Valery threw away all her makeup and changed her jeans and T-shirts for long mid-calf-length skirts and high neck blouses. She became a nun.
Today she regrets having lost her virginity. She doesn't want to know anything about Chad. "What I did was evil and only through penance and by keeping away from that environment can I amend it, that's why I want to advice girls who are in the situation I was."
REPRESSION OR PREVENTION?
Denise, who also was at the party above, is an only child. At 130 lbs. and 5ft6 she considers herself fat, but she knows she has "something" nonetheless. Her parents suspect she is "a libertine". Her father, who is a Christian minister and environmentalist lawyer, says "we have her under control. If she gets pregnant she's out of the house."
They don't talk with their daughter about sex. The only instruction they've given is not to have any. They've known her only one boyfriend, and, according to her, they didn't like him because he had a "pervert" face. "I don't care what they say, I'm gonna do whatever I want" Denise challenges.
A year ago she had ovarian cysts detected. Since then, she is one of the few who regularly see a doctor. She had to take hormones and therefore she is careful when she has sex. It depends on her: "Many times they won't put on a condom because they're drunk or want to hurry up and they tell me to take a next day pill, but it makes me dizzy when I take it." She takes one at least once a week, despite it's defined as an emergency drug and the box itself warns about possible side effects from excessive use. "I don't think it'll hurt me and it's always been effective." In her handbag, she has a [pill] box, hidden in a small purse where she also keeps tampons and pads.
"They take pills like they were candy. They aren't aware of the physical consequences this can bring to them and on top of it they don't care!" exclaims the therapist Tilly. In her opinion, the rate of unwanted pregnancies is practically the same as it was 20 years ago, in spite of the scientific advancements, social changes and prevention culture. The difference is that "before it was something dirty, now it's something trendy."
In an informal polling conducted by your reporter outside private schools, three out of ten female youngsters commented that they've never used any protection because they don't want to take pills and their partners refuse to wear a condom. Robbie, the party's host, said that without a condom she won't have sex. "Truth is I know nothing of contraceptives and I only know that the rubbers are the most effective and that way I don't get in problems for a pregnancy or a disease."
PARENTS IN A BUBBLE
After continuous partying all weekend, Robbie and Michelle have to be at school on Monday at 7:15am. Despite the hangover, in less than 20 minutes the two youngsters who just a day earlier were dancing half-naked become the best pupils. They wear the school's uniform: a pleated skirt with a square pattern right below their knees. They have their hair in ponytails and don't wear a single drop of makeup. They don't seem tired.
At the chemistry class, Michelle falls asleep, but later, on the break, she meets with her friends for gossiping:
"How many did you score yesterday?" asks Sandra.
"Only John. He was lucky this weekend. He had me twice. But I'm getting bored of him." replies Michelle, and eats some chips.
Michelle lost her virginity at 14. She was the first among her friends. She remembers it hurt a lot, but after several experiences she adapted well to an active sex life. She's lost the number of how many partners she's had. She's her group's leader and all her friends admire her because she is very self-confident. She's never had a real boyfriend basically because she thinks there's no point at her age: "I only want to have fun."
Despite the constant parties, Michelle doesn't neglect the school. She never skips it; she does her homework; she participates in the school's events. She has an excellent GPA. Albert and Josie are Michelle's parents. They also have an older daughter, Gail. They are completely sure that she is virgin, because they trust they have given her the best raising. She has everything she wants - her car, fashionable clothes, an allowance, and she's allowed to go out. "We give her the best values and she is very smart; she wouldn't do anything that wouldn't make us proud." affirms Albert, a doctor at [private hospital]. "I am more worried that she takes drugs or drinks in excess, but she controls herself. We know she drinks alcohol, but only socially. She has very nice friends and we've always told her that here she will never be allowed to take drugs." They've never talked about sex with her. They assume that at school they've taught her everything she needs to know.
On her side, Michelle has told them that she doesn't intend to have sex until she gets married. Her parentslive in a bubble that she created herself. She has made them believe that sex doesn't matter to her. "I don't have to tell them my life. They wouldn't understand and they'd just be judgmental. It's better that they think what they want and so nobody has any trouble." When she is watching with them a movie and a sex scene comes up, she even fakes to be shocked.
[Ends]